Dear Andrew,
As you can see I did not address this dear dad because you simply are not one, you're basically just a sperm donor. Please do not think that me writing this means I magically want you back in my life because I don't, not a single bit. I'm writing this for me, so I can let myself be free. How could you have gone 23 years and counting without trying to be a part of your daughters life? How could you have walked out months after I was born because drugs were more important than a wife and beautiful baby girl. How could something so ugly be more important than an amazing family? How could you not wake up every day hating yourself because of what you did, because I wake up every day hating you for it.
How could you not be affected by the fact you were never there for my milestones in life, proms, when I brought my first boyfriend home, my first heartbreak, father daughter dances, Father's Day and my future wedding. Growing up watching my friends, cousins and every random stranger be so close with their dad made it so hard on me. I never had a dad to buy a birthday or Father's Day card for, be my best friend and hero, or wipe my tears away. And I won't have that amazing father daughter dance, or have you to walk me down the aisle at my wedding like every girl dreams of since the time she knows what a wedding is. You were one of people who was supposed to love me from the day I was born, but you didn't.
You were supposed to show me how a man is supposed to love a woman, but you showed me the complete opposite. You were supposed to be the one person I could run to with any problem I was going through. But instead you're the reason I have so many trust issues and relationship problems. I can't trust anyone nor do I think anyone can love me. Because if my own father can walk out and want zero contact with me, then why would anyone else want to invest time in me? It doesn't make sense. But you also left the one person who could have never left you, my mother. She dealt with your problems, drug addictions, and more importantly YOU. She didn't have to, but she did because you had a family, and when you love someone you do not give up on them. But also because of you I have the absolute strongest mother in the world, who would give the shirt off of her back to anyone. Well anyone except for you.
Because of you she had to raise a child on her own, work so many hours to give us what we needed, and wonder what she did for something like this to happen. And do not ever say she kept me from you, because she didn't. You kept yourself from me. Some might think we're the ones missing out but in reality it's all you. Your the one missing out on a family who could have loved you, because although I might not have a father who loved me. I have an immense amount of family and friends who do, and that is something you cannot say you have. My uncles and the men in my life mean so much to me, and although they are not my biological dad, they're as close as you could get. And I would rather have them over you. They've been there when you should have been, they love me like I'm their daughter and for that, they're amazing. So as much as you have fucked up my life without even being in it, you have also made it that much more amazing. Because if it weren't for you I wouldn't have learned how to be independent, or to NEVER depend on a man or need anyone. I learned to do things on my own.
Because of you I learned how important the little things in life are and to take nothing for granted. I used to tell everyone how much I hated you and wanted you dead, but that used to be a cover for how heartbroken I was over you not being there. I used to wonder if you ever thought of me, wished you would call, come visit, write me a letter, anything really. But when I got older and you did call that one time, or sent the two birthday cards out of the 23 birthdays I've had, or when I met you for the first time. I wish none of it happened. I wish I never let you have the chance to talk to me or even meet me. Because you didn't deserve any of it.
You don't deserve to know my mother or myself, we are way better off without you. I used to want some answers as to why you did this to us. But now that I write this letter I realize I don't need it because although there will always be a void in my life from you, I'm still so much better off in my life than you will ever be. So thank you for walking out and making me that much of a stronger person, and for me finally realizing how much better my life is without you in it. And if anything, I hope after you read this you realize how much you fucked up, how much you lost, how much I do not care about you and I hope you regret ever leaving.
Sincerely,
The daughter you never loved
