Open Letter to Women giving their children up for adoption.
First, thank you, I can not imagine the struggle emotionally and physically you are going through or went through making this decision. Your reasons are exactly that, your reasons, and you showed your love by making this choice.
Second, as an adoptee, I want to assure you, very rarely will we hold a grudge. Often times we just want to know our background, others just want the answer to the question why.
The struggle for the search is hard, exhausting and emotionally draining. All those who search are not looking for a relationship, some just want to know who they are, some want just medical history, others can be looking for relationships.
I can only speak for me, Mom, Dad, you made the right decision, I had a great life, it wasn't perfect but it was a good one. I am now in the 6 month of my search using DNA, and I have family trees narrowed down. I want to find you, I want to know who my Dad is...You do not have to meet me, or share anything other than medical or heritage history.
A lot of states have opened their records, NY is one that has not and of course that is where mine was done. I have tried contacting matches to see where I could possibly fit in, and always include a disclaimer stating I am not looking for anything that no one wants...I do not want to disrupt your life, you gave me a great life and that is the least I can return to you...I just need confirmation and if you want me to leave you alone, I will...
Open Letter to Adoptive Parents....
Your non biological children love you, you will always be our mom and dad. We are not looking because we are not happy, we are looking because part of us is missing, we don't always want to be in it, we just want to know about it.
Please please if you adopt a child gather and store any and all information you can. You never ever have to say you have it, until YOUR child wants it, at a responsible age. Have someone in the family know the information just in case something happens to you...
PERFECT SOLUTION for both? Bio Parents write a letter or even keep a diary while pregnant, no identifying information has to be there, just let us know the struggle, what caused your decision. We will not judge. Adoptive parents, keep this letter/diary somewhere so when your child is 25+ and wants to search, they can have some answers and not feel like they were a bad secret.
Sometimes, the reason is horrifying, and you are putting your child up for adoption to save yourself and your child the trauma of constantly reliving memories...this is ok...we understand and would probably do that same...Sometimes you are just too young, Sometimes money is tight, sometimes you just didn't have a choice...
My journey is long, and I don't think it will have a great ending, but that is okay!!! I know my birth mom loved me enough to provide a better life...I do hope she had a good one as well...
TCC
