An Open Letter to the Best Friend who Couldn't Accept Growing Up

Subject: An Open Letter to the Best Friend who Couldn't Accept Growing Up
Date: 12 May 2016

Hey there, remember me? Yeah, we used to be besties.

I'm sorry you couldn't understand that people grow up, and when they get busy - well, you have to make plans a little in advance, and maybe even *gasp* hang out less!

Why yes, I DID (and still do!) spend a lot of time with my significant other, and here's why:

As an adult, the goal of finding a stable relationship and forming a friendship with someone for the rest of my life is important to me. Sure he's just a boyfriend right now, but are you still going to complain when I want to spend time with a husband? or a fiancé? The "hoes before bros" concept is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. Does it remain "friends before husband" after the wedding ceremony? There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend more time a significant other, and trying to form a long-term relationship with that person.

Another thing - there's this thing called jobs that people have. Most jobs, mine included, require a lengthy 3 week notice before requesting off a day. So when you texted me complaining that I couldn't hang out enough and was spending all my time with my boyfriend, it was more of - I have work a lot and want to spend my time off with my S.O., can we plan ahead and I'll request a day off?

In addition, most people in their 20s go to this magical place called college. In fact, I went to college (and still go to college) about 20 hours a week. That leaves literally only weeknights as hang out time, or for me it was time to form my relationship and create new friends! I made plenty of new friends at college, but you just could not accept that you now had to plan our hang out times in advance.

Fast forward to today - our friendship would never last. I work 20 hours a week at one job, go to class for 20 hours a week including night classes, and spend the rest of my time working for my other 3 jobs. The planning!!! All the planning in advance!!

This is what I like to call - growing up.

Adult best friends are okay with not seeing each other 80 times a week. They understand that time with their S.O. is valuable, and they are totally okay with catching up over coffee once a month, going to concerts together sometimes and planning out sleepovers and wine & spa days ahead of time. Heck, adult best friends can even plan vacations together.

I'm sorry that you didn't understand how much work a relationship, jobs, and school takes. Growing up is fun, but we need to understand that not every free second is supposed to be hang out time.

Maybe we can catch up in the future, over a cup of coffee ;)

I wish you best & tell your family (and your dog) I said hi

Love always,

Your hard-working best friend