To My Step-Son's Absent/Addict Mother

Subject: To My Step-Son's Absent/Addict Mother
Date: 5 Sep 2017

Dear Mother of the Year,

First I want to thank you for giving me one of my greatest blessings in my life. My little boy has changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Being his (step) mommy for the past 3 years has been an adventure for sure, but has also been a great learning experience, and has given me a chance to truly see how a mother's love is supposed to work.

You failed. You failed my husband, who used to give you the WORLD! You failed me. The only person who tried to help you and stand by your side even when you were in the wrong. Most failed MY SON!
You claim that he is your "world" and your "sunshine". You claim that you put him first, you claim that you would never "abandon" him...(your words exactly) yet here we are...2 (almost 3) months after his birthday party and we have heard no words from you whatsoever. You have seen him a total of 7 times in the past year. You say that you want to change yourself for him, but all you have done is prove to us that we are right. You'll never change. You're never going to do better. Do you know why? Because you are selfish. Mother to mother, I have no doubt in my mind that you love him...I know that you do. But you don't care about him. If you did, you wouldn't disappear on him. You wouldn't make him wonder what he did wrong. You wouldn't make him worry about you being "sick" all of the time. You'd be a mother. You would lather him with the unconditional love that a mother is supposed to carry for her children. But no, that's too much to ask for, right?

We tried the co-parenting thing with you, we tried to make it work. All you ever wanted was to show social media that you were mother of the year and then you were tossing him back our way. You have failed miserably as a mother and as a friend.

You have destroyed his precious little mind. You don't even know that he goes to therapy twice a month to deal with the issues that you have caused him. He cries in his sleep all night. He has nightmares. He still has accidents. He can't focus for long periods of time. He has mood swings worse than mine when I was pregnant. He is losing himself because you have given up on him. He loves you more than you could ever understand. He thinks that you hung the moon. But none of that matters to you obviously. You can't even show up to court and try to see him. Guess what? We were going to give you visitation rights...but you blew that chance. Why? Because you were dope sick. You have allowed yourself to slip back under the needle and this time, I think you'll take it to your grave.

Shame on you. Shame on you for allowing your precious angel to see you shoot up. Shame on you for making him think that you don't want him. Shame on you for only wanting him to be your trophy. All he ever wanted from you was your time and your love. You couldn't even give him that. What you have given him is your phone so that he'll stop bugging you, and you've now given him problems that he will have to carry for a long time. I feel sorry for you. He's going to be just fine. He has me. He has his father. He has his baby brother. He still has family who loves him and takes care of him on a daily basis. He's all you had. And you pushed him out of your life for good. What do you do at night? I know that you miss him. But do you blame his father and myself for your not seeing him anymore? Are you embarrassed to show your face in public? Are you scared to run into me and see that he's happy and laughing across the room without you? Because that happens. You may have caused him pain, and he does have things to work with for awhile, but he is still happy. He laughs. He plays. He's SO SMART. But I guess you know that, right? Since you played learning games with him when he was 2 years old. Well now, he's reading at a 4th grade level (he's only in 2nd if you forgot), he made all A's last year, he LOVES indian education, and he educates himself with science videos when he isn't in school. You have already missed out on so much...and it's just going to get worse.
You failed to appear at his kindergarten graduation, will you miss his high school one too? What about prom? Or his first real heartbreak? Will you be there to tell him that he is perfect in God's eyes and that the right woman will come in time? Or will you be too busy then as well? It's okay if you are, because I'll always be there. I'd never do him the way you have. I'll never leave him. I'll never make him feel like he isn't worthy of my love. He'll be just fine without you. But again, I feel so sorry for you. You've already missed great events and mile stones in his life and you're just going to keep on missing them. The longer you make him feel as though you don't care enough about him to better yourself, the easier it is going to be for him to shun you when you're finally ready to make your grand appearance again.

I hope that you're ready to answer all of his questions that he is going to ask you some day. He's going to eventually Google your name and see all of those nasty articles...what will you do then? Then, he's going to ask you why all of the trouble and the fight to get better for him wasn't enough? Why you only bothered to show up for big events, like birthday parties and mother's day? Will you be honest? Will you tell him that you wanted the spot light for two seconds and then you left? I pray that you're prepared when that day comes, because I can promise you it will.

He is going to grow up to be a blessing to this entire world. He is going to do GREAT things in life. He is going to be a fantastic husband and father one day....

With or without you.

I pray that one day you pick yourself up and grow up for your son. I truly do. I'm not worried about you being around. I never have. He would love it if he could enjoy two mothers because God blessed him with both a mommy and step-mommy. You being in the picture doesn't change my roll as his other momma. All it does is brighten his smile a little more. He loves you. He always will. But if you keep neglecting him, he will eventually neglect you. Don't expect anything more.

Do better. Or don't. It's your loss. Not his. And not his families.

The Full Time Mommy