My sweet Hendrix. Time has flown. This year you are going to be 12. Every day that passes I can’t help but to think of the little gentleman you are growing into. I hope your life is everything I hoped it would be for you.
I hope one day you get to read this letter, and I hope it answers any questions you may have.
When your father took you away, I couldn’t see it then, but he sacrificed so much for your safety and security. In my heavy postpartum depression and falling face first into severe spine problems on top of your own health issues with your tachycardia- I was so lost in the world that was crumbling at my feet. In all this, your father chose to try to hold on and do the best that he could. But at the end of the day, I wasn’t safe medically or mentally for either of you.
The years have given me a chance to heal, both physically and emotionally. I’ve learned to accept what happened, forgive myself for medical issues I could not control and bathe in my gratitude for your father. He saved all three of our lives, I hope you and him both know that.
Without him doing what he did, I may not have had the chance to find proper medical care. Without him, I would not have gotten where I am. And without him, I fear you would’ve suffered a far worse fate. I still have nightmares over the thoughts my mind screamed at me when you were with me. I wasn’t safe. Not without help.
You are such a unique and special child. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were destined for something special. I hope you take the time to find that special thing about you and give it your all. I hope your passions run wild in your head and in your life. I hope whatever your heart yearns for, you find a way to attain it. When you look at art, just know somewhere out there, your mother is looking at art too wondering if you’re going to be an artist too. Or if you’re going to be business oriented like your dad.
Snuggle your dad and your sister. You are so loved by so many people. I hope one day I have a chance to say this to you in person. But for now, just know I love you with all of my heart. I will never stop loving you. You are a piece of my heart that will always be missing.
