To My Selfish Friend

Subject: To My Selfish Friend
From: The Girl Who Just Loves too Much and too Hard
Date: 5 Jun 2016

I would do anything in the world for you. No matter what time, if you call me or need me to do something for you, I’m there. I got your back. And sometimes, I think that this is reciprocated. But more often than not, I think that our friendship is completely reliant upon my being there at your beck and call to help YOU with YOUR issues as I throw mine to the side.
When it comes to the weekends, I’m pretty laid back. I like to go out and have fun but I typically don’t care what we do as long as I’m with my friends and having fun. We go along with YOUR plans. Normally I don’t care. But what about when I want to do something or go somewhere. Then suddenly you’re tired, or you need to take medicine. I lay it all out on the line for you and it’s almost never reciprocated.
I’ve seen you at your worst. I’ve sat there with you, cried with you, and eaten Domino’s with you. I’ve celebrated with you when you were at your best. I’ve danced on tables with you, or eaten the cake cause we deserved it. When you want to be push, I’m here cheering you on and making sure you get your shit done. When you need to chill I’m down to watch a movie. But what about me, when does it become my turn?
I’m not going to lie and say you have never done anything for me. But what you have done for me, any decent human being would do for a stranger. I know it’s partially my fault cause I don’t always open up about what’s going on with me, but it would be nice to be asked once in a while.
The issues you had with boys in the winter are very similar to what I’m experiencing right now. I was so invested in you and your well-being, but you don’t even let me talk about him. I don’t know if you think that’s because it’s better if I don’t, but can’t you see I’m just like you. I need to discuss it. My mind is going crazy because no one except for you can possibly understand it to this degree. You’re proof that it gets better, and I’m happy to know that at some point the pain that I feel will end, the way you always bring him up isn’t helping me in the slightest.
I love you to the moon and back. You’re my soul sister, but am I yours? Do you think about me every day when we’re apart and go “I hope she had a good day” if we didn’t talk much or “She’s one of the strongest women I know” when things aren’t going that great? If you were in trouble I know you’d call me because you know I’d be there in a heartbeat. But if I called you, I think I’d have to leave a voicemail. I don’t mind this. It’s just who you are. You need to be selfish in order to get your stuff done, and I get that. But do you get that it can hurt me? Do you know that sometimes it makes me question our friendship?
I love you, and I know you feel the same. We're just different, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if it would hurt you to think about me before you think about yourself. When you say something that offends me or hurts me and I bring it up, you seem to never quite be able to understand how that might be hurtful to me. I'm not asking for agreement, but sometimes some understanding would be nice. I love you so much and I'd never want nor ask you to change a thing because you're perfect. I just want you to understand.

Category: