I'm sorry you decided to take your own life.
I'm sorry I don't know why you did it or what you were going through that led you there. I'm sorry you felt alone, and I'm sorry I didn't call you more. I'm sorry I didn't send you pictures of the kids or e-mail you their report cards, and I'm sorry they didn't call you and tell you about the birthday parties they had and the presents they got.
I'm sorry You had financial troubles and couldn't pay the bills. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how much I missed you living so far away, and I'm sorry I couldn't fly down there and take you home. I'm sorry that now when I think of you I have to cry.
I'm sorry I didn't hug you the last time I saw you.
I'm sorry about the holiday dinners you missed and the time I wasted thinking about things other than you being my only little brother. I'm sorry I didn't name my son after you even though I knew you would have liked that.
I'm sorry that I thought you were o.k. when you were really in great despair.
I'm sorry that you didn't think you could tell me what was really happening. I'm sorry that your friends were not there to help you. I'm sorry you lost your job and crashed your van.
I'm sorry you didn't call me and tell me what happened. I'm sorry that the last time I talked to you and asked you if you were alright you lied to me and said that you were.
I'm sorry I missed your birthdays and didn't send you cards.
I'm sorry that when I asked you if you were doing drugs again you said no. I'm sorry to have heard that you called your uncle and cried to him and told him what was happening but not me.
I'm sorry if it was me you wanted to hurt when I would much rather be happy. I'm sorry you didn't know how much I loved you, because if you did you would still be here, I know it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't be sad about what happened forever, even though right now I want to, and that writing this letter to you has already started healing me. I'm sorry I couldn't heal you or taken some of the pain away. I'm sorry I'm only human and not something more, because, if I were you'd still be here I know it.
I'm sorry I made mistakes and I'm sorry that you did too. I'm sorry that we won't ever be able to laugh about them or anything else together ever again.
I'm sorry I have to stop writing and I'm sorry you won't read what I've written for you. I'm sorry I have to say goodbye one last time and you won't be here to hear me say it.
I'm sorry that someday I'll smile again and you won't.
I am sorry.
I love you very much,
Your brother,
Lee
