I remember when I was little I would fly with my mother from Vermont to kentucky/Indiana once or twice a year. Those were the happiest and most exciting times of the year for me. I would get to see my great big huge family that I didn't get to see but a week or two out of the year. All my cousins, aunt and uncles, and you and gram. I knew my entire family loved me but I really knew you guys loved me. When you would look at me I could see a shine in your eye, a special sparkle that was just for me. Other grandchildren had sparkles too but this one was just for me, I knew it. When you hugged me I could literally feel the warmth and love jump from your body to mine. I always dreamed one day I would live closer, and see the family that loves me so much all the time. Then this past Christmas it was 10 years since my last visit (my sweet 16 to be exact). I brought my husband whom I was introducing for the first time and we had a wonderful time. At the end of the short visit we had a family gathering at the chuch. I remember you sitting down at the table, taking a rest after setting up for the guests. I came up behind you, wrapped my arms around your neck, kissed your cheek and told you I loved you. You said, "you do? How much?" I responded by sqeezing you a little tighter and saying, "thissss much!!" throughout the trip you encouraged the idea of coming to live closer to the family so we did just that. 10 week later we had packed the uhaul and headed your way. I was under the impression I was welcome and would only stay until we got on our feet and in our own place. About 8 days into it you had some complaints and because of my respect for you I made some changes. The dog was strictly no longer allowed or even given the chance to get on the temperpedic bed so we got him a temperpedic of his own. Also since I am smoking cigarettes I got air fresheners and spray them frequently for the smell that seems to linger after I come inside from a smoke break. I tried to make you happy. You're my grandfather and you've been gracious enough to allow my husband and I into your home along with our animals. It wasn't good enough and I wasn't doing enough. Everything I do seems to be wrong and displeasing to you. I've been doing laundry on the regular, shaking out the rugs from the dogs coming in From the outside, I try and I try. The other day you looked me dead in the face and you didn't even need to say a word, I already knew and my heart instantly shattered. The eyes I once looked into that sparkled and shined had now gone dull and hazy not even a speckle of shimmer remained. You don't love me anymore. The past 2 or 3 days it's bothered me to the point where I'm having nightmares about it. How can you go from loving someone to not caring if they live in their car on the street? Is there something more that you're just not saying? I've learned you can't change people and you cant change how they feel...even if it doesn't match the way you feel they are entitled to their emotions and it's something we don't have the right to try to change. Life isn't fair and somethings we will never understand. These are all things we just have to accept and I accept the fact that my grandfather doesn't love me anymore and I accept the fact that I can't stop loving him even if I wish I could.
