My final message to my Bestest Buddy Vincent DiMarco of Mississauga, Ontario (Message No. 10)

Subject: My final message to my Bestest Buddy Vincent DiMarco of Mississauga, Ontario (Message No. 10)
From: Appa - hopefully still your favorite
Date: 14 Jun 2020

Hi Buddy,

This is by far the most difficult thing I ever had to do in my life, saying good-bye to the one I love most and to this world which has never been, and never will be a fair one for either of us. Knowing that I will never see your smile again or hear your words or share a hug with you is extremely painful, and I can no longer bear this agony every day.

From the day you were born my life changed instantly - and forever. I had waited 40 years for you to come along son, and when you did it it was the best day of my life and one of the most painful for mom (27 hours of labor). For the rest of my life I lived for you. Of course I tried to make your mother happy, trying to buy her everything she wanted, and do whatever she wanted. But seeing you smile, laugh, grown and learn is what really made the fire burn within in my soul. Every night I would go to sleep thinking about what I should teach you next, what lesson you need to learn next.

I did not have a good father Vince. He was successful in business but failed miserably as a father. A very selfish guy who never came to one of my baseball, or football games, or a wrestling match. I promised myself when I was 16 years old that when I was a father, I would never be like him. My goal in life was not to make a bunch of money, but to be a good father. You gave me that chance, and for eight years I did my best to make sure you had as much fun as possible. Every night we would do a walk and talk around a big block that gave us time to know each other better and better. Every weekend we either went swimming, go karting, or to the glow in the dark mini-golf you loved so much.

Your mom and I did not argue very much, but if and when we did it was usually because your aunt, in my opinion, was too over-protective of you and raising you as she was raised - as an over-cautious girl. Of course she loves you and her intentions were good, but I was trying to raise you as boy, playing baseball, soccer, go camping, etc. She thought all of that was "dangerous" and gave me a lot a grief, and of course when I told her to get married and raise her own kids the way she wanted, your mom would intervene and an argument would follow. We never argued about money, I never raised a hand against her, and I never cheated on her Vince.

When I had to leave so abruptly and go to China it was not a selfish decision, but a family decision that even your mom said was good one at the time. Because I was whistle-blower of very serious crimes involving VP Dick Cheney and some crooked FBI agents, they and their friends were trying to lock me away in prison on fabricated charges for the rest of my life. Your mom, MP Alghabra, and Solicitor Drukarsh and I had the idea to avoid their persecution and take a 3-6 month vacation to China and come back after the U.S. pressure on Canada let off. It was a good idea at the time but not one of us ever thought the U.S. embassy in Beijing would be told not to renew my passport. This trapped me in China.

Your mother promised me she would explain everything to you and tell you the truth. If she did or didn't I don't know because neither her nor you will even talk with me now. Why Vince? I never hurt you, wasn't mean to you, and never lied to you. If you are not calling me it can only be because people have been blocking my messages and mail to you. That is why I had to resort to these awkward internet messages. What she did or didn't tell you can be found here

Vincent, I sent you over a hundred letters from China, more than 400 emails and never received a single reply. My calls to on Skype every night for years were blocked even when you told me they were not. Every time we spoke on the phone I promised you I was coming home and even tried sending myself home by Fedex in a crate and sneaking aboard a Japanese freighter (I got caught both times). When I finally made it to the Canadian border last Christmas Eve (2019), and needed mom to verify I had a family in Canada she would not answer the phone or return the messages left on her phone. Clearly she did not want our family reunited, yet she never once told me this until after last Christmas, when she suddenly told me that we were divorced. She would not tell me when this happened and to this day, she never sent me any paperwork. I can only guess she got tired of being alone and met someone else to take my place. If this is true, did someone else take my place as your father?

Vince the last thing I ever wanted in my life is to have a broken family and be apart from those I cherish most in this world. But when your mom gave me a fake telephone number for you (1909 number) I realized she was doing her best to keep
you and I from talking with one another. Why does she want you to forget me buddy? I never abandoned my family, why have you guys abandoned me?

Any way, I have tried my best to contact you through the mail, through the registrar of the University of Toronto, and through Uncle Tony. Still I have not heard your voice, so I have to believe that none of these people care about family as much as we did. I have tried to be strong all my life, fighting the most powerful and evil people on Earth. But now I am mentally exhausted and emotionally spent with no reason to continue the suffering.

Buddy I had so much to share with you and was looking forward to making up all the lost time between us, but your mom has killed all hope of this dream coming true. This is not the way I had planned to say good-bye to you, so let me just say "See you later in a better place". Please know in your heart of hearts, there was never a single day that I did not love and miss you. I could never have hoped for a better son than you, at least the one I had I had when I had to leave. If you think I failed you as a father I apologize from the depths of my heart, but Solicitor Drukarsh knows that evil people threatened to kill you and mom if I ever set foot in North America again and he can show you what I am talking about, and your mom can tell you about the two shooting incidents at our house meant to terrorize her and it certainly did.

Don't ever trust the government or anyone who works for it Vince. I am leaving a USB for you with a friend JS and I hope that you will read my book and everything and watch all the videos and links I wanted to share with you personally. The ring I have left for you belonged to my father, and his, and down the family tree to your great, great, grandfather. Please wear it daily and pass it on to your son one day. Your mom broke my heart into so many pieces it would take another lifetime to fix buddy. After you read Chapter 33 you will understand why.

I leave you with this old photo of our home in Ohio, where I decorated the house I grew up in for your first Halloween just days before the FBI raided this home and seized my book manuscripts and pointed guns at your grandma, mom, and Emo.
Do not expect the world to be fair nor kind buddy. Nobody will ever give you anything except a chance to prove yourself. But do not depend on others to help you Vince. Help yourself! Be and do what you want - not what others want. And whatever you choose to do with your life, do it the very best you can. If there is a heaven, I will see you there buddy. I love you always and forever.