Firstly, you are my mom, my hero, my best friend, my fighter. I will not define you ever as “my mom with cancer”. Thank you for giving me the world and showing me what it means to be beautiful and strong in duality and grace. I love you to the moon and back Mommy.
1. I’m sorry for how I found out: I’m sorry that I was the fifteen-year-old who felt like something was hidden and wrong and snooped through your phone. I’m sorry for sinking into hysteria tears and into your arms reading through recent google searches of “How to deal with a cancer diagnosis” I’m sorry for how I found out that the person I loved the most has cancer.
2. Thank you for being Mom still: You are the strongest person I know. You are still my chauffer, my cook, my wake up call, the world’s nurse. You still make it to every school event, every art show, every business presentation, every birthday, every holiday, everything, and I don’t realize how hard some of these things must be. I’m so sorry for not always realizing how hard I make things, I don’t know how you do it and I love you for it more than I let you know.
3. I’m always here for you: You are facing the most pain in the world and please never forget how much I love you, I will always be here with a pint of chocolate ice cream and a warm blanket to cry with. You are my best friend and you deserve all the tears and the feels in the world, but please don’t go through it alone, no one is more important, no stupid friends, no show, no school activity, you are my number one please don’t forget that.
4. I love you for standing back and watching me shine: although you have cancer you never let me think for a second to stay home from college for you or not to pursue my dreams because of you. Although I often think I’m making the wrong decisions going away leaving you here, you always tell me I’m wrong, and if there is one person who is always right it’s you.
5. I’m sorry I’m a bratty teenager: I’m sorry I forget how much you are going through and often complain about nonsense and material things, I wish I could take all these actions away. I would sell everything in the world to have you cancer free. I love you and I’m so very sorry for my teenage immature actions.
6. Thank you for letting me cry to you: Thank you for holding me and letting me cry about you to you. Thank you for wiping my tears about your health and my fears over graduation and my wedding, and my first born. Thank you for dealing with my anxiety and depression.
To the moon and back.
