You may have noticed another year has passed, another year that you haven't gotten a call or even a text from me on this day. I haven't seen you in a year and a half and I haven't spoken to you in nearly a year. I don't know if you even care that you have no idea what my life has been like. These past 3 years have been hell. Much of which can be traced back to you. You didn't care enough to call me on birthday or any other day. You didn't care that I felt abandoned by the first man I loved. You didn't care that I got into an abusive relationship, in which I was sexually assaulted. You didn't care that I was depressed for years. You didn't care when I failed 2 classes. You didn't care when I started going to counseling. You didn't care when I graduated college. You just didn't care. Well, maybe you did in your own way, maybe if I would have called, maybe if I would have asked to meet with you, maybe if I was more like my sisters, maybe if I just forgave you, maybe if I would just forget the past 3 years, there is always another maybe.
Luckily, I have stopped saying maybe. I have stopped caring if you care or not. I am done asking myself what I could have done to deserve this. I finally was able to answer that question that tore me apart for years. I was finally able to say I did nothing to deserve this. I was finally done letting you destroy my life. I was finally done wanting my father in my life. This wasn't easy but it ended up being the best decision of my life. I am sure you would go on the defense if you ever read this, saying that I should have made the effort, saying I should have called, putting the blame on me for something you started. But you know what, I don't give a fuck. Maybe someday things will change, maybe someday we can work this out, but as of today you are not the father I want in my life. You may have given me some DNA, but that doesn't make you my father. Family isn't determined by blood, it is determined by the people who stand by you through everything.
