On June 25th 2015 My Dad passed away. I was at an awards night for the non-profit I work for. Out of respect for everyone receiving an award I turned my cell phone off in an effort to be more present. It started out as a very happy night. My girlfriend (also a co-worker) won an award and made a very moving speech that made me very proud of her. I was moved by a lot of the speeches that my peers made, but one of them went above and beyond thanking their parents and honoring them for the job they did in raising her. This stood out to me and I fantasized about being chosen as employee of the year myself. Having my dad there and giving him the honor and respect that he deserved for raising me. As the night was coming to a close I turned my cell back on to receive multiple e-mails from my Mom and brother. They were frantic, explaining that something had happened but they wanted to talk to me directly to explain.
My phone was off for a few hours and my Mom, who lives in England, decided to explain the situation in an e-mail as she had no other way of contacting me in that moment. I read the words "I'm so sorry to tell you this through an e-mail, but your Dad passed away from a heart attack today. Please call me. I love you." I re-read the words multiple times not fully comprehending their meaning. I was in complete disbelief. I had just spoken with him the previous day. I rallied all of the stoicism I could and finished the night without alerting anyone to what had happened. My girlfriend noticed immediately that something was off and asked me if everything was okay. I said not even close, but we can talk outside. I opened her passenger side door and sat in her car to explain what had happened. Tears started streaming down my face and I said "My dad died". At that moment I lost it and wept uncontrollably. My girlfriends heart broke for me and she tried to comfort me, but I was crying so hard I'm sure it seemed like it wasn't having an effect. My brother and I went back to the house that we grew up in to gather pictures and any sentimental belongings we could find. It was a very sad moment for us. My Dad had been in my life since I was eight (technically being my stepfather, but earning the title of Dad easily). I remember him working an extra 30-50 hours to give us a good Christmas. He would come home white as a ghost from over-working himself and I would tell him to stop because gifts aren't worth his health. He never listened, entirely out of love for us.
I write this letter to not only honor my father but also share with you all what I have been given in my life. He provided me with an unlimited supply of patience and love. No one has ever or will ever believe in me to the degree that my father did. I owe everything to my Dad. He taught the value of hard work, how to love the right way (which is unconditional by the way), how to be a man, and most of all how to be empathetic with others. As the situation progressed we found out that he was in-debt over $7,000. This was very confusing because he made well over $100,000 per year. The day of his memorial service I found my answer. All of his neighbors showed up and told me that he gave them money to give their kids a good Christmas--telling them that kids are everything. Another set of neighbors said he gave them money to help them when they fell behind on their bills. This is the person that he was. I carry this with me every day.
Every action you commit is a choice and you never know how a small act of kindness will change someone's life. You may be widely considered to be in the right in a negative situation but I leave you with a question a wise person once posed to me.
Is it more important to be right or is it more important to be kind?
I love you Dad. I vow to pass along all of the love, understanding and wisdom that you gave to me so openly and freely to everyone I come into contact with.