I remember coming to the realization that not all friends stay with you in life. We grow up, we fall out, and then we only like each others posts on facebook every now and then. This was a hard realization to come to. As children, we have this fixation that our best buds are going to be our best buds for life. This isn't always the case and it's painful to experience falling out with someone for the first time. You were my first experience with such thing.
It wasn't a dramatic ending to the friendship like you would suspect. It was sad and slow. The dreams of our childhood dying and replaced by more realistic, boring notions. Okay, realistic and boring dreams on your part anyway. My dream is still to discover aliens, and maybe that was the problem in the dynamic of what was left of our friendship. I honestly don't remember much of our friendship except for snippets and feelings. I remember giggling our asses off 24/7 and no one ever understood what we were laughing about. I remember crying. So many tears dropped from both of us for we didn't want to leave our favorite person in the world. Each other.
The ending of our friendship was mostly on my part if we are being honest. Being in and out of mental hospitals and gone for months at a time and not telling you what was going on definitely took a toll. I'm sorry that I treated you like a child and never saw that you were growing up too and deserved the truth.
What I remember specifically is that day. The day we kissed. It was an accident of course. We were playing outside, twirling around and holding hands. We went so fast that day that when we stopped you accidentally pulled me in and bAm. we pulled away so quickly with pink stained faces and wide eyes. That was the day that I knew I liked girls too.
I saw you recently and it was the weirdest fucking thing ever. You aren't this artsy, happy child I grew to know. You're the popular girls I sit next to in class every day who only talk about cheerleading and other girls. You're far from yourself, but your still you. You're still the weird girl I dreamed of moving to Paris with and shouted one direction lyrics to.
You're quite different now. That's only to be expected of course. We're older and set on completely different paths now. Nonetheless, I hope you think of that small, insignificant day outside of your house like I do. -Oh and I hope you see me on Facebook once in a while too.
All my love,,