My dear brother. I have always loved you and I always will. Mom and dad have always loved you and they always will. BUT we've given up.
My whole life all I wanted was to be accepted into your life but I have always been shut out. I don't know what I ever did to you that you felt the need to make me feel so unwanted but whatever it was I am sorry. I'm sorry for showing interest in you and your life. I'm sorry for supporting you in your decisions. I'm sorry for continuing to start and hold conversations with you even though I could tell you didn't want to take part in them. And I'm sorry for taking up your time.
I am sorry but not to you. I am sorry for myself. I am sorry that I spent so much time...my entire life staying awake at night trying to think of things to say to you that might have caught your interest. For trying to hang out with your friends when you had them over. You thought it was because I wanted to date them. You were wrong I did that because I thought maybe if I got them to show interest in me you might start to think I wasn't such a terrible person to be around. I was wrong.
With that said I now have learned it wasn't me at all. It was you as I sat there a year ago and watched for the second time as you ripped our parents heart out and showed no mercy or sorrow at their pain because you were so mad that they too were trying to be a part of your life. And again when you decided to stop talking to our extremely loving grandparents who have always been there no matter what just because the smell of the diesel rolling off your truck gave grandma a headache.
I have given up now. Not because I want to but because I have to. Because I have kids now that have started to catch on and I don't want them to feel as unwanted by you as the rest of our family. They have gotten old enough now to see you have no interest. I gave up when your 7 year old niece and 5 year old nephew saw a picture of you with your wife's niece online and asked why you never call them or come see them. I am heartbroken but it is for the last time. I have always called you and when I do you have nothing to say it's just awkward silence but not once have you ever just called me.
I do forgive you and I will always love you but I also love myself and my kids and our parents and no longer will I keep fighting this battle. But also know as my one last hoorah at this if you ever do wake up and realize we love you and decide you want to be a part of the blood that runs through you we are all a phone call away and our doors are always open. But when it comes to my kids you will have a lot of proving yourself that you won't leave again before I let you in to their precious little world.
I do thank you though. I thank you for helping me see it isn't always blood that makes family and you let me see that blood isn't important to everyone. You taught me how to help create a sibling relationship with my kids so they will never feel the stabbing pain of rejection from their own family. Thank you for making me a stronger person and most of all thank you for teaching me that I don't need to feel accepted by everyone in order to love myself and to be my own best friend. And for teaching me how to accept love from the people that want to love me without needing to feel loved by the ones that don't.
I wish you the best
With all my love with no need for any in return
Your baby sister
