to my best friend that i can't seem to get over

Subject: to my best friend that i can't seem to get over
Date: 1 Jan 2019

to my best friend that i can't seem to get over...

when i lived just up the street from you, i never realized what i had. i never realized how lucky i was to see you every day. i never realized how lucky i was for our families to be best friends, always having dinner together at a moments notice. i never realized it until i moved three states away from you.

being away from you for so long made me realize that i missed you so much, more than i would've thought. at the time, i missed you because i needed a guy friend to talk to and joke around with. but then you came to visit. and all my feelings rushed in like a tidal wave.

you visited and we spent time together. my heart hurt, physically, because i missed having you around. but i realized it wasn't because i missed having a friend. it was because i wanted to be with you. but of course you lived three states away and had a girlfriend. every time i looked at you, regret crept in because of what happened between us that summer.

i'm so stupid for rejecting you that summer. deep down, i KNEW i had feelings for you, but i pushed them away because i was afraid things would change between us. i was immature, but you were ready to love me like i am ready to love you now.

as soon as you went back home, i missed you. the moment you stepped out the door, i knew i would be depressed from the lack of you in my life.

i want to get over you so bad but there's no guy like you. You're everything i could ever want, and i feel so stupid for only realizing it once you were gone. i want to tell you so many things, but texting you would be meaningless.

i have this weird feeling we're meant to be together. i met you in 5th grade, and in 6th grade you liked me. i was a dumb middle schooler who was shy and scared to talk to boys. i didn't pay much attention to you until we got to high school and you suddenly became attractive. ever since then, i had these feelings for you i didn't want to come out. someone once told me that love is like a slow cooker. it takes a while. i've had these feelings for so long, that i can't dismiss them as a phase. i've never met a boy i wanted to give my attention to. but here we are, and you are everything i would want.

i hope i can get over you. i hope i can stop dreaming about a relationship with you because i know it will never happen.