Dear Mom and Dad:
There are things about me you may not know. I love you with all my heart but there’s things I rather keep to myself.
So I use tinder, it’s an app that allows you to meet people who are looking for dates, friends or casual sex from close locations. I do think it’s a useful tool for people, especially in the LGBT community. In my opinion, it’s safer than Grindr (Another app that’s a bit rawer).
Anyway, the thing is that last night as we were discussing the horrible news of Orlando’s shooting I lied. I lied, and you may never know it because it may only increase your concerns whenever I travel or whenever I go out.
I’ve been lucky enough to visit Orlando several times, most of them with you but a few on my own. And I’ve been to pulse. I’ve been to pulse with a Tinder date that was one of the best Tinder dates I ever had. I’ve had crappy dates, dates where I walked off in the middle of them, but I also have had amazing dates, with lots of fun with extraordinary people which whom I keep close contact now and we became friends. And that day at pulse that was the case. I had a blast! I still remember the place, the lights, the bartenders, the serious dance off I had with my date as we were trying to figure out who could mimic the lyrics with body gestures better.
As we were talking my heart was devastated, broken, shattered and completely in shock. All I wanted was to cry. That could’ve been me! Orlando is mainly a touristic city and Pulse was suggested to be one of the best locations in town to have a drink and go clubbing. I still wonder how many people where there just for that night. How many people went there for the first time? And how many amazing people were cut off from their destiny. I cringed at the news and I still can´t get over it.
I’m lucky to be alive, I’m lucky to be safe and I’m lucky to have a family that supports me and loves me unconditionally. I’m lucky to live in a country where most crimes are based on poverty and inequality. I’ve been robbed a couple of times but I’ve never been attacked for my sexual orientation with other weapon that cowardly eye rolls or disgusted faces.
But there are others that are not as lucky as me, and as much as I tried not to focus on this news I can’t. I CAN’T BECAUSE I’M SICK OF THIS SH*T! When will this end? When will people understand that the fact that I rather suck a D instead of eating a vajayjay does not make me evil, less human or a disgrace? I can love, and as far as I’ve seen I can love better than a lot of straight people.
Dear mom and dad, if it was me in pulse; if it was me one of the innocent people whose life was viciously taken away off. You shouldn’t mourn that much. You shouldn’t be sad, I wouldn’t have much regrets and honestly I’ve enjoyed my life a lot! Like seriously I could never thank you enough for all the support and all the opportunities you have given me. But I would proudly die for being gay, I would face a bullet that comes at me for my sexual orientation with no regrets. Because that’s who I am and I won’t ever deny it. I denied it for almost 18 years of my life and that was enough for me.
Dear friends and rest of my family. DO NOT PRAY FOR ORLANDO, Do not bring more religion to this massacre I know it was an extremist and so on. But do not f*cking dare to pray, it’s the misunderstanding of religion that caused this and is the hate being preached in churches what keeps people minds closed.
Dear all, do not pray. ACT! Act first and then in your spare time share a prayer. But ACT! It’s time to fight back, it’s time to defend ourselves, we keep begging for rights, begging for justice, when what we need is to take the matter by hand. We need to have gun control laws, we need to have leaders that support us, we need to stop discrimination, we need to give back the punch to the bully who is disrespecting us, we need to stand tall, proud, fabulous and fight the fuck back!
I can do that, you can do that, WE CAN DO THAT! If we stop discriminating, if we face the person who makes a homophobic comment. If we teach our kids that gay is ok, if we teach our families that we are still the same. If we open one closed mind one day at a time.
I keep trying to not get angry and curse while I write but tears overcome my calm and I can’t help to be passionate about this news.
To all my fellow LGBT people out there, do not be afraid, do not hide and most of all love yourself! Learn to defend yourself physically and verbally. I’m still learning how to fight but you have no clue how confident you feel when you know how to punch back. The first punch I threw at an aggressor was a couple of weeks ago and TBH I’ve never felt more alive, strong and proud. Of course is different when someone has a gun or a knife but unfortunately we are a minority, we are victims of hate and you either hide or fight back. So you either learn how to punch back or learn to run as fast as you can. It’s your choice!
So let’s take this one day at a time, start to raise your voice, is time to fight back! Let this lost lives have a meaning a purpose and since that dreadful night make a promise to try to change the world and may this not happen ever again. As I did. I’ve made mine.
Dear mom and dad, I’m here! I’m Queer! And with small actions, with little grains of sand I’ll try to change the world one day at a time. I’ll try to fight for those who aren’t lucky as me and aren’t as blessed as me to have you as parents.
Dear moms and dads of all the people killed in Orlando. I share your loss, my heart is broken and I’m sending you all my love, all my strength and I may not know your son or daughter but I will march for them this pride and every pride! And I will try to do as much as I can so that other people won’t suffer what you had suffer. I can’t promise much, I can’t bring them back. But just know that somewhere out there, someone is trying to make a change.
I love you! I am a we!
