Me, Personally

Subject: Me, Personally
From: Myself
Date: 28 Jul 2016

I fear what I CAN change and who I CAN become.
I neglect myself in spite of myself for an ever growing list of reasons that even I can not begin to decipher.
I keep repeating the same thing to myself over and over but I never follow through.
I never follow through.
I never follow up with the person who is most important.
I am the least important.
I never give myself the respect that I give to others.
I never give myself the respect I deserve.
I never let my voice to be heard.
I never give to myself.
I float from idea to idea never grabbing the concrete that built it.
I let them all drift away and fill the sky up with new ideas.
I repeat the same cycles over and over.
I hate repeating myself.
I love my family with all my heart.
I love often with contempt.
I do not love myself.
I often do not like myself.
I throw judgement upon others.
I am judged by others, I am judged by myself.
I never judge myself, I know under the veil is hideous
I am quick to have discontent towards those who judge as I cautiously judge the same.
I am discontented in myself.
I am afraid of running out of time.
I am running out of time.
I am afraid I will never reach my full potential.
I am scared that I will regret my past choices as they sculpt my future dreams.
I have fears.
I am scared of being afraid.
I hate being afraid.
I am afraid that people will find out everything that makes up the real me.
I am afraid that I, myself, do not truly know the real me.
Who am I really?
I morph my reality to fit in with others.
I am alone in a crowd.
I am a loner in a crowd.
I feel alone.
I am lonely.
I am lost on a path I chose to take.
There are many paths to take, each with its own set up twists and forks.
To choose a path is to start a journey, to reach a goal.
There are many paths to choose.
Choose to commit to a path and follow it through, navigating the forks and overcoming the obstacles that arise.
I am afraid to commit, I don't want to miss out on an opportunity.
I never commit anything to myself.
I take the path of least resistance and loathe myself for the choice.
I work hard.
I work hard on things are not important.
I work hard for others.
I never work hard for myself.
I never work hard on myself.
I work hard on picking apart others.
I work hard on picking apart myself.
I feel important often.
I often do not feel important.
I am bringing my family down with me and it saddens me.
I can only act for so long and pretending is getting harder.
I am happy with my current family dynamic.
I feel they are not happy.
I do not think they are truly happy.
I am not happy.
I am sad.
I can change, I can follow the path.
I can learn to love myself and who I am.
I can work hard on myself.
I am afraid of myself and my potential.
I am afraid I will fail at myself.
I am scared this will be read by someone else.
I am this.
I am that.
I am.
This is me.