I am all for equality of every form. But there is one issue that I have and it is holding back the solution to the problem. This is the Militant Feminist Conundrum.
I’m sure many people have experienced the Female entitlement battle filled with “hairy, Green party-Voting, lesbian, vegans.” This isn’t hard to find, but that’s not all feminists. To me, it isn’t feminism at all. I am a feminist in some ways (yes, I believe you can be a partial fan of a movement people who believe otherwise are just wrong.) For example, you can believe that illegal immigration is wrong and should be stopped, but you don’t have to be Donald “Fuck-Hole” Trump.
I count myself a feminist because I believe that people should be given equal chances, regardless of any category you can put them in. However, I do not agree that people who essentially rampage against the world are truly Feminists. To me their motives seem more self-centred and narrow minded than what any movement of this nature should be. There is a reason that the saying is “I have a dream” not “Ignore my Blue/Green hair and take me seriously, or else.”
I come from a large city (by our standards) in New Zealand, which I believe to be the most socially progressive country in the world. We were first to have universal suffrage, our indigenous people were given equal voting rights long before anyone realised that we should let woman vote. My country is (mostly) very accepting of other views and generally relaxed about 90% of the world’s issues, deeming them to be “no big thing” and people can, for the most part, go about their business as they wish. I subscribe to this idea with great aplomb, However when my inability to completely engage with someone’s beliefs causes them to take issue with me, I take exception. It isn’t fair that I get scolded for not being on a rampage as well!
An example of this aggression took place in my most frightening encounter with a feminist. One of my Flat mates had invited a whole lot of feminist-type people over and we were all drinking and having a good time. Then one of them opened up and said “Fuck, I love Nicki Minaj so much!!!” This instantly got my attention. So I questioned her
“Do you really?!?!”
“Yeah! do you not?”
“God, No”
That was my mistake.
I then I got the death stare that my dirty misogynistic self truly deserved. It was as if Satan himself was beaming up the powers of hell into this woman’s eyes as she looked at me with pure hatred. Hatred. Over Nicki-fucking-Minaj? It wasn’t musical rage. She wasn’t angry that I didn’t like her favourite “musician”. The problem wasn’t the fact that I preferred Rock music over Pop. It wasn’t that I would prefer to listen to Chad Kroeger sing Sweet Child o’ Mine while getting slapped silly by a fish than listen to a Nicki Minaj song.
She blatantly hated me because I (a man) didn’t like a particular woman.
That’s all that it was. That was the whole problem.
So Of course being a man, I made my own decision (joke) and I promptly ran away. I don’t tend to back down from arguments (especially when drinking) but I wasn’t sticking around for this, especially not in my own goddamn house. So I went to bed. I couldn’t see my reasoning gaining even an ounce of acceptance, so I bugged out.
For those who are interested, I think that Nicki Minaj is a horrid, vapid shell of a celebrity who is, in my opinion the embodiment of everything that is wrong with not only the Music Industry and the idea of Celebrity, but the entire fucking world. I’m all for woman expressing themselves however they want to and having seen some of Nicki’s off stage (therefore theoretically unscripted) behaviour I am sure that she is happy with being what she is. But that doesn’t mean I have to like what she decides to be. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make me sick to my stomach to watch her onstage and think that little kids idolise her.
I believe that Nicki Minaj is an over-correction. A process that humanity is prone to when trying to sight in on the natural order. So I agree that in some respects she is a feminist and an important step along the way to equality.
But is it feminism to record a song that little girls world-wide will sing, about “Fucking (or not) Drake?” Especially knowing that it will only make money for a few men at the top of the glass ceiling that will never be pierced?
Does anyone else know that the song Anaconda is essentially about Anal Sex? My 12 Year old sister sings that song all the time.
Now, all of those who are reading that say “But no! If you don’t want your kid listening to it, you need to make sure that they aren’t” you need to really think about why you are saying that. Feminism is about creating equality between the genders. If a man were to be writing similarly blatant songs about fucking women, he would be Robin Thicke and we would all hate him because he is a misogynistic piece of shit. Even if we ban our kids from his crappy, crappy music, he is still the one we blame when they do hear it (which they eventually will)
I am all for self-expression, but that requires having an independent thought or (if it is to be respected) desire to express something meaningful and following it through. Something I doubt Nicki has been burdened with lately.
To circle back around to the point, Society has a habit of over-correcting before Governments are really able to catch up to what is correct and even then, there is only so much they can do. An example is woman’s wages.
There are a lot of reasons why woman get paid less. Numerous ALMOST justifiable excuses.
- Demanding less Money
o Woman tend to settle for less money than men do in job negotiations. This is technically victim blaming, but it is an important point. If you want to create change, then you need to make it happen. These days under-payment is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy in which Woman will likely settle for less because society has this norm of woman being paid smaller wages. In order to change this woman need to demand more money, changing the cycle. This isn’t to say that it is generally a woman’s fault she is paid less, but managers are trying to save money. And we will get to why it is important to lay blame where it is due later.
- Pregnancy.
o This one is truly unfortunate. A justification that I completely understand, but don’t agree with is pregnancy. Employment is all about finding great, long-term employees. Why would you want to pay someone the same amount that you would a man, if they are able to (at their own whim) pop out a child, leaving you employee-less, legally forced to hold a space open for a period of time, likely paying them, and then (if they even want to return) welcome them back into the company as if nothing had happened. And they can do this more than once!!! I agree with woman getting maternity leave and I am not saying that it’s fair that woman get treated unequally or that woman who want equal pay should have a hysterectomy. But this is one of the actual rationales behind this societal norm.
- Hire someone else.
o Once again it is societies fault. When you look at a man and a woman and forced to ignore all other facts, whether you will admit it or not, you would answer the question “who would be a better accountant (or whatever)?” with the man. I know that if I take even 1 millisecond to think about my answer I respond “Depends who is better qualified” but my mind naturally falls at the man to start with. (That being said I am a man, so that might play a part). But if it is mainly men doing the hiring, and if they instantly think of the man to fill the position with, then, well, you’re fucked.
I hate stating these things as facts. Because of course there are exceptions to peoples opinions on these things and in general it is disgusting to think that people see the world this way.
But if you think for a second that these aren’t valid things for a business to consider then you are blind. This does happen, with woman and minorities too. But these questions and arguments circle around and around for years. People stating figures, arguing their point etc. when you reach the stage in the argument that someone goes “well, you’re a man, you do not know what you’re talking about” then the conversation ends, nothing is achieved and everyone is now not only wrong but also angry about it.
So the question is how do we break the cycle?
And the answer is obvious, but you aren’t going to like it.
Firstly ask yourself, why do you believe in the feminist cause? Is it because you think YOU are so special that you deserve to be treated just like men?
And if yes, (which is the right answer) do you get angry with men who talk about feminism (even the ones on your side who “Just don’t understand!!!”)?
Essentially the answers lead to the same conclusion. If you are rampaging against the world, it is because you know that you deserve better than you are receiving and that is perfect. You cannot enact change without first knowing it is needed. I would guess that you began to get angry when you realised that the world would never treat you the way that you deserved because you didn’t have a “White penis and insatiable desire for vagina.” And this is hard stuff to deal with, because, you are right. It isn’t fair. So you argue, fight and bully anyone who is being treated better than you. I have lived this many a time and it is very difficult and detrimental when people who believe in the cause (but don’t fit the image, e.g. are male) are abused for not understanding.
But that doesn’t help. Change takes time. And I don’t think for a second true equality will be seen in my lifetime. For example, if Hillary wins the election, we won’t see an instant surge in woman in high profile company positions we will see a surge in angry men worried about their country and probably a Fox News “Presidential Rag” bit to keep us up to date with her menstrual Cycle.
If you want to make a change you need to do one simple thing.
You need to try really hard to be the best person that you can. You must try your hardest to succeed in every aspect of life that you can and do everything to the best of your abilities. If you just think the world should wake up tomorrow and undo millennia of programming the sexes into assigned roles and they should treat you better, then yes, you should get angry. You should get angry because you are an idiot who will not get their way. It won’t treat you like that because you are a selfish little shit who thinks they deserve to be treated like a queen, when they just fucking aren’t.
History tells occasional stories of woman surpassing men, but that isn’t what history is full of. History is full of men. If you want change you need to try your best to fill it with woman. And fill it with woman who are fair, kind and treat everyone appropriately. Men the same as woman of equal levels, idiots like idiots, children like the future and the Queen with respect.
Because that is feminism. Feminism isn’t about you, you are part of something more important than you, and it’s about equality. Everything we ever do should be about creating a better world for future generations, not about making sure the feelings of everyone here at the moment aren’t being hurt.
So the point is, that if you believe in feminism, then you will push yourself, and other woman that you know to reach for everything they want. Sure, maybe they don’t get it, but you have to try, so that another woman can later try, then another until it sticks. That’s how change is done. And this applies to every aspect of social injustice.
There should be a word that I can walk into a room and say, that will make the entire room lose their heads at me, but there is. But how do we stop that? We stop teaching our children that it’s a bad word. Sure, it used to be. Don’t lie. But if our generation were to stop being offended by it, then it would just be a word, not an insult.
Feminism is an important step towards bringing gender equality to the world. There are feminists who go around and they do their jobs as best as they can and you wouldn’t know they were feminists. There are some who post online about it every now and again, letting people know that there is still a problem and trying to get others to pay attention.
However, people who get angry at all men, abuse people for not being as feminist as they are and are generally much too aggressive are not feminists. Not in my book. They are a societal over-correction to great dis-justice. But your anger holds up advancement. Because you have to look at the big picture and foresee the rest of your life. And for the rest of mine, I truly believe that men will still be the majority rulers of the world. So, woman who go around man hating are going to cause the future successful people to hate feminists. They won’t hire them, they won’t date them and they won’t do anything to help fix the problem. They will just hire men, pay them more and continue the cycle. If you are too self-absorbed to see the big picture that your actions have on the cause that you love so much, then you need to open your eyes. Aggressive approaches should be used only when in the face of actual opposition.
I want feminism to take hold and for woman to get the jobs that they want, but aggression and hatred are not going to make it happen. If you want to be treated equally, you need to look at the problem, and do your best to start breaking down the walls. Coach a basketball team, become a lawyer, run a fucking country.
Be the god damn change that you want to fucking see
But don’t go to someone’s house and channel the devil at them for not liking someone as repugnant as Nicki Minaj.
There is a way to succeed, you are in the right. But only time will see you succeed.
