This is hard for me, because for the longest time all that mattered was the love i had for my family, a love that i thought could withstand anything, a love that is now lost, a love that can never really come back. It hurts because I know a certain person would be disappointed in me for this, because all he really cared about was his family.
Some people made decisions, wrong decisions, decisions that are destroying what is left of this family, of what is left of her family. They don’t seem to care anymore, that they hardly see her, they don’t really ask for her anymore. He sees all of this, he knows that I cry myself to sleep every night for them, he sees that i have to always be their for them, be their mom because she has made them orphans, he sees my struggle, my waning strength, my waning faith in our family, a family that he built. A house divided and crumpling,
one he left behind without a word. He knows what she is doing, she knows we know the dirty details, all of the men and the drugs. I’m not strong enough anymore, I can’t hold myself together anymore, I can’t hold my faith in my family together anymore. I wish they would all open their eyes, see the damage they inflict, see that its irreparable, unrecognizable, unstable, to see that their is nothing left to fight for.
Then I see their eyes looking at me like I am their mother, like they are my responsibility, and I accept it because they are the only ones that I can still love, It’s an untainted love, a love that would lead me to do anything for them. They are all that I have and she is ruining them, tainting them, lying to them—— point blank, abandoning them. It kills me to see her hurt them so much, in my heart they are no longer her children, they are mine. Her love can never compare to mine, her love is split between men and more men, with none left to spare for her kids, my love is all theirs.
