Cancer found its way into your brain. It dug its way into the middle of your brain and began to grow. You were just a baby, just two years old, you had barely started your life and it was already about to be taken away from you. There was very little chance of you surviving, but there was no way mom was going to let you go down without a fight, you went through chemo, radiation, and surgery after surgery after surgery. Now it wasn’t just the cancer killing you, it was everything that was being done to save you on top of cancer that was killing you. Your pain was obvious but how could a mother just sit back and watch her child die. After many treatments of radiation and chemo therapy, it had to come to a stop. Your cancer was not giving up and if the treatment continued, that would be your cause of death. My mother eventually had to sit back and watch cancer take your life slowly. She had to sit there while cancer continued to take over your brain and your life. After all your surgeries, you were left as a new born baby, you had to learn to walk again, eat again, and talk again. You were no longer who you used to be. You were given until the age of eight years old to live, it would be a hard life, but it would still be a life. In this short life that you would live, you would be handicapped. You would be partially deaf, partially blind, and both mentally and physically disabled. But then again, a life was better than no life. You had to watch your younger siblings pass you by in every aspect, in growth both mentally and physically, and achieve things that you would never be able to achieve. You were the oldest, but you soon became the youngest. You lived longer than the eight years you were given and that was a miracle, but your disabilities remain the same. You will forever remain the same. You are now 25, in just a couple days you will soon be 26, but nothing for you will change and you have begun to realize that. You are no longer interested in anything, and you are more aware of your disabilities. I wish you weren’t. I wish you saw yourself the way I see you, I also feel guilt when I think about you. Because when I look at you I feel blessed and I feel grateful, but not only because of how far you have made it, but because I am happy I am not you. You have humbled me and you are my heart completely, you make me feel so grateful for all I can do, I just wish I could’ have been grateful without you having to be sick. I wouldn’t change this life or your life that were given, it has made this experience much more meaningful.
Date: 1 Dec 2017