I was recently talking to a classmate who has an ex-best friend as well. Her ex-best friend wrote an open letter to her and that had been something that I had been considering for some time now, so I took it as a sign.
I have a lot to say to you, but I feel like there’s really no other way I could convey all of these thoughts in an effective manner.
I’m sure my family and friends won’t agree with this action of mine, but I feel like I need to do it. I know they’ll think that I should be over this by now and that I’d be “letting you win” by showing that I still care. However, I need to be true to myself and to my heart. I do clearly still care; I still carry the burden of resentment towards you and I don’t want to do that any longer. So, I must get this off my chest in the hopes that you will see it and maybe gain some of my perspective.
I have no hope of reconciliation, nor do I hope that we will ever even talk again. I just want you to know how I feel because I was too scared to say these things before. Despite what you may believe, I was scared of hurting your feelings even though you’ve said and done very hurtful things to me. You can shrug it off and pretend like you don’t care, but I’ll still know that my goal had been met: you’ve read what I have to say.
You and I had a really amazing friendship. We were like sisters and we let everyone know how close we were and how awesome our relationship was. We lived together for 3 months, my family took you in as their own, and we spent the majority of our free time together. We made plans for how we would outlive our husbands and become old-bitties together. We made plans for how we would try to stay near each other no matter what. We had everything planned out, and it was going to be great.
We showed each other parts of ourselves that we never thought we’d be comfortable sharing with another person; we thought we were soul-mates.
But the truth is, we weren’t. We were only meant to be stepping-stones for one another and nothing more or less. We were brought into each other’s lives to teach each other things and help each other see the world in a different light. Although it’s really sad to think that that’s all we were meant to be to each other, when it felt like we’d be apart of each others’ lives forever.
I got a boyfriend, and that seemed to be the start of all of our problems, or so I thought. You told me a few months into my relationship that I hadn’t been a great friend and I had been neglecting you. Which I agreed with you on and apologized. I hoped that we would be able to move forward from that point on, but apparently not. You started pushing me out. I had to find out very important things that were happening in your life through other people. I was still trying, but you weren't having it. You pushed me out even more by excluding me from almost everything you were doing. I get it—you were protecting yourself from getting hurt by me.
We talked again, months after that. You made it seem like you were completely done with our friendship. You wanted nothing to do with my boyfriend because you hated him, and I tried to understand that. However, when I tried to still be friends with you despite our differences, you treated me like someone you had no desire to be around. I picked up on that eventually and stopped trying. You had other friends and I guess I just had to accept that you didn’t want me as a friend anymore.
I cried for a couple months. You hurt my feelings a lot. And I know that there’s some things I could’ve done differently. I could have still tried to put more effort in and pried everything out of you. I could’ve tried to balance my life out more. I don’t know if that would actually have made a difference though, because I think your mind was already made up.
Then a few more months went by, and you started hanging out with my sister. I had a hunch that you were just attempting to get back at me for whatever it is you believed I had done, but I shoved that aside because I didn’t think you were capable of such things. I thought, “Maybe she’s just going through lot and she needs a new friend in her life.” Plus, my sister was going through some things of her own, and I thought maybe you guys both needed each other.
Months went by of you coming over, sleeping over, laughing in my sister’s room loud enough so I could hear. I still thought that maybe you two just wanted to be friends, and that was it. It FELT like you were trying to hurt me though. However, I still gave you the benefit of the doubt. My parents told me I was over-thinking it, you’re a good friend to my sister, I needed to get over our old problems, etc. So I did (or tried to).
A couple more months went by, and I found out through a mutual friend that you were saying horrible things about my sister. You claimed that you hated her, you thought she was annoying, you thought she was trashy, and God knows what else. That set me off. Why would you say such things about your supposed “best friend?” My old thoughts started coming back. Maybe you were just using my sister to get to me and you never truly cared about her or her well-being in the first place.
Despite the fact that my sister and I were not very close at the time, I told her about the things that you said. It wasn’t right. I wasn’t going to allow someone to hurt my sister, especially if that person had already hurt me.
Then she stopped being friends with you, of course, and you pretended to not know why she didn’t want to be around you any more.
And with you being out of the picture, my sister and I started to talk. I found out that you had purposefully been keeping us apart. She and I already had our differences, but you definitely exploited them. You made up things that I had supposedly said about her just to draw us even further apart. How spiteful could you be?!
I also found out that every time I came home, you’d say “Oh God, now I have to go say hi to her…” And you’d knock on my door, and I’d get excited because maybe there’s hope that you and I would settle our differences at last. We’d make small talk and spend some time together. Then you’d go back into my sister’s room and bad-mouth me some more. Wow. That’s truly a low blow.
I even invited you to lunch before things with you and my sister went bad, and tried to fix things with you. I missed my old best friend and I was tired of not being able to talk to you like old times. It seemed like things went well because we discussed almost everything. But, after that day, you seemed like you didn’t really want to hang out with me again, so I got the hint. Again.
The only thing that I have left to wonder is: Did our friendship ever mean anything to you? Did I ever truly know you? The person I knew and loved was a very giving, kind, considerate person, and all of the things that we’ve been through say otherwise.
I don’t know if all of the things you went through changed you, or brought out the worst side of you that I never saw before. Did I really deserve that treatment though? I mean, I’ll be the first person to say that I wronged someone, but I truly don’t believe that I deserved all of the things that you put me through.
I’m not sure why you would have any reason to “hate” me either. Maybe you’re just trying to defend your ego or something.
Alright, well I think I’ve said everything I need to say. I do hope that you find peace and happiness, and I won’t ever wish anything bad upon you. I also hope that you don’t treat anyone else that way you’ve treated my sister and I.
P.S. I hope letter doesn’t sound spiteful or hateful, because I did not intend it to be.