A letter for me. About you.
If you are reading this letter, it probably means that I will not be alive. I wrote about my thoughts about you and your life. I know it might be weird and awkward to be receiving it after you are all grown up, and probably should have given you this letter sometime after you’ve been married, but I didn’t think that I could have gave you this letter without me being here, and I am glad that I have written it. I hope that this is something that you can look back and reflect on in the future. I want you to be the judge of my ability as a father and I hope that this letter can help you out with the judgement.
I wonder what you are going to look like, I wonder what your future is going to look like, I wonder if you will even be born. Kids of my age do not think much about the future, but I think about you a lot, even though you are currently not physically here. I worry about you and stress about you when the night thoughts arrive. In the world that I live right now, I have heard so many stories about females being taken advantage of in society, relationships, working field, college, etc. I worry for you, and about you. I am excited about the first word you will speak, the first time you will walk, use the bathroom, eat, the first boy you will fall in love with, the first boy that falls in love with you, your first boyfriend/girlfriend, your first friend. I worry about the experiences that lie ahead in your life. I also worry about the emotional, physical, spiritual damages that might affect your life. Always know that I am here for you. I am also excited for you. The ups and down, the numerous amounts of friends you will have, the memories you will create with those friends. The person you will become through all of the experiences you create. The knowledge you will have and the great things you will achieve in your life that I could not in the span of mine.
When I was a child, I was the typical goofball, small little Asian kid running around causing trouble. My parents would be strict, and my actions were limited. They wanted me to stay inside and study, but all I wanted to do was play video games and go outside. I had a privileged life throughout my childhood. I never had to worry about food and shelter, and I wish to provide the same for you. I will raise you humble until you reach the age of 18 or whatever the age for an adult will be for the future.
Throughout schooling, there will be people out in the world that are will try to harm you in the worst ways possible. When the time comes you will know exactly what I am talking about. Do not fear for those people are insecure themselves. Let them attack and let them dish out on you. It is important to stay calm and nice throughout their misbehavior. I hope that you won’t need to speak back, talk back, or react to their petty words. The best thing you can do is to turn the other cheek. If you can’t it is fine because life is hard itself.
The one thing nobody has but yourself is you. Your mind, your voice, your story, your vision, so write and draw and build and play and dance and live only as you can. It is your life and not theirs. Do not let people define who you are and what you are meant to be in society. If they call you a failure, it is because they are insecure of themselves being a failure. Always look at the goods in people, even if they are bad. In the bible, Amos 5:15 states to “hate evil, love good.” Perhaps, this may be the best advice in the world. It is difficult to absorb. If there is a murder, hate murder not the murderer. If there is a rapist, hate rape not the rapist. If there is a robbery, hate robbery not the robber. If you cannot follow this, it is totally okay, no one else can. This concept is a very difficult process for people to understand, but I know that you will understand the true meaning behind this and continue to show your love throughout your life.
In high school, my friends were very supportive. In the most fake place you can imagine, I managed to find the best and most decent people. K-, J-, J-, and J-. I hope you can do the same. When you meet them, I prefer you call them uncle because they will forever be your family. Although they will be non-blood related they will still be my closest friends and my family, which makes it your family too. My friends and I have been through the best and the worst. They made the so-called worst time period, “high school” the best time of my life. We hung out almost every day, achieved a lot, were well known and were called “the boys” of Newport High School. I hope for your best and your decision-making skills to find the best featured people out there in the world. I will not push education into your life, but I will encourage you to do the best you can, for you will life a better life in your future.
You and I will fight, you and your mom will fight, and you and your sibling will fight, but I believe that talking about the problem is the best way to solve a problem. Do not be afraid to approach me about something that concerns you, even if it is a boy problem.
I am here for you, not against you.
I cannot wait until the day you meet the love of your life. The day you throw that bouquet, oh I am so excited. The grandchild that you will have, and the life that lies ahead for you and your family. I am truly happy for you, because you made it. Marriage is not the end goal in life but you managed to survive life and made it the best for yourself. Congratulations! I cannot express my emotions but I am filled with joy.
I may have not been the best and the most perfect dad out there, but please know that I have tried. I do not want you to shed another tear for me, because I will always be there with you in your heart. You will always be the most priceless and expensive gift that I have been given by god. Be happy and live life to the fullest, even if I am no longer living, I will be there for your big and little mistakes and obstacles. Just look around and I will be omnipresent. Do not forget to breathe in the times of stress and be optimistic about everything!
My dear baby, take care of yourself. I love you lots!