Nobody deserves the pain you're going through. Sure, some people may have it worse than you, but that doesn't make your pain any smaller because nevertheless, you are suffering. And you do not deserve it. You did not do anything wrong. You are not at fault for anything, and you are not responsible.
You are not responsible for the nights you stayed awake in the dark, the times you cried yourself to sleep, the people who broke your heart, the clothes piling in your room because you don't have the energy to get up and clean it. You are not responsible for dropping grades and fights with your mom. You are not responsible for all the people who left you. You are not hated, and you are not as unlovable as you think you are. Because everybody deserves love, and if people can't love you, they don't deserve your love either. You deserve to be loved. You are worth all of it; you are worth love and time and attention.
Please be okay. Please stay. Because there are people on your side. I have four friends who are or have been suicidal. They are still the strongest people I know. They fight the darkest darkness humans know, and even if they don't win every time, they don't lose. They stay with me. And it hurts me so much when any of them say they're worthless, because they're worth so much to me. They're the first real friends I had. They're the first people I didn't have to be fake to. I was too fake, even to myself, that I didn't know who I was. They helped me find myself because they loved who I was and I didn't need to worry about them leaving me or judging me. Now I'm in a different environment without them but I'm a lot more comfortable with people since I know who I am now. And they may be right -- I might not know them inside out. They don't tell me, and I don't ask. But I love them inside out. Because I know that no matter what, they will still remain the people who helped me when I needed it the most, and they will always be my friends and I will always love them. I mean this. And someday there will be someone who will know them inside out and love every one of their scars and flaws. I know that. I know that love, romantic or platonic, is loving everything because even though love is not meant to be perfect, loving the smallest bits makes it perfect.
There are people like me, who will stay with you. Please reach out before you fall too far. And it's okay even if you feel like you're already too far, because we'll still love you. You're worth all of it, please know it. You're not as worthless as you think you are; in fact, you're not worthless at all. Every human deserves to be loved more than they already are. Every human deserves to learn to love somebody else. And you deserve every single bit of happiness this dirty world has to offer.
Please don't go. Please stay.
I love you.
