When you left, I thought life couldn't get worse. That nothing could possibly hurt me more. Emotionally, at least. Then, I decided, it didn't matter. That I didn't care. Not in the least. So what, if you weren't a part of my daily life now? Life goes on, doesn't it? But, as I told myself I didn't care, I experienced something, in fact, the one thing, I was sure couldn't happen. I hurt my emotional balance even more.
Since you left, I had my life all planned out. 'You can do it!' is what I told myself. 'Focus on your career', 'Have fun. Move on.', 'You're smart and confident and good at what you put your mind to. You'll be fine.' In fact, it will be better without a distraction. Right? Distraction. When we use that word, there's almost always a negative connotation to it. You were a distraction for me. I was a distraction for you. But was that bad? Well, guess what, it wasn't. Not for me, in the least.
Because, after you were gone, this is the word that defined my every waking breath. Distraction, distraction and distraction. All I wanted was one good distraction and the chaos in my soul settled. But there was a downside to it. The distractions were hard to find. And they affected my professional life, more than you ever could. And, when found, they lost their charm soon enough and I ended up with even more emotional baggage to sort out. How, you ask? Because, the distractions that could make the cut, were people. And with people, come feelings.
So yes, you were a distraction. In fact, (and I'm glad) you are a distraction. You will always be a distraction. But you're a good distraction, an excellent one. The distraction that keeps me sane. Because I'm not running, when you're around. Because I don't feel the need to run, when you're around. Because, you're home. So yes, you may be a distraction, but you're the best kind. And my favorite one, of course.
P.S. Life without you sucked harder than a brand new dry cleaner. I love you.
