You come to me and speak of a god that you claim you know so well. You tell me I have not truly encountered him the same way you have. You tell me I am missing out, I am not truly whole or happy unless I have him. I ask you, how are you so sure that I have not known him as well as you claim to. I have felt what people claim to be the holy spirit. I have spoke in tongues. I have wept with my brothers and sisters over those that do not know him. I have prayed until I couldn't anymore over those who do not know him. I have worshiped with my whole heart. I have longed to be with him in the end. So who are you to tell me I have not known him in this way?
You tell me that you have been where I am. No. No you haven't. Have you been in a place where you were so happy and so loved and also completely honest with yourself? I AM LOVED. I give love, I receive love, I am love. I am also gay.
Being gay is not what lead me to where I am now in my beliefs. Being human is what has lead me in my beliefs. I chose to walk my own path. You speak of the life you lived when you chose to walk your own path, a life of drugs, "homosexual sin", sex trafficking yourself, being cruel to those around you, and hating yourself. And Jesus saved you from all of that. I am truly happy for you. You needed something to pull yourself out of the path you were on.
Well you can not say you have been where I am.
This is where I am. I am free, I am open, and I am honest about who I am. I am not addicted to anything. I have a bigger community than I have ever had. A supportive and loving community of friends and family. I have a wife who loves me for me, who supports me, who encourages me to go after all my dreams, who shows me everyday what it means to be a good person, who has opened my eyes up to what true love and kindness means in this world. And everyone else sees that when they look at us. It is obvious that we are not lacking anything. We give more than we receive. We strive to be better, more kind human beings everyday.
My wife and I believe that a human being is fully capable of doing good and being good. Where things go wrong, is when no one is around to believe in them, including themselves. When you don't believe in yourself, you fall apart. And if you have no one else believing in you, you lose yourself. It breaks our hearts that there are so many lost souls in this world. We personally do not believe they need Jesus. We believe they need human love and kindness. Personally for us, being open minded and loving to all walk of life is the way to live. We do not have an agenda. We do not make others feel guilty or try and make others feel like they are lost for how they believe. We make others feel welcome, loved, and make sure they know they have a purpose.
Again I ask, who are you to tell me you have been where I am? I ask you to not tell me that I am missing out on something, that I am lost, and need to give Jesus another chance.
I am living a life no different than what Jesus asks of us. The only difference is, I would never try and make someone that I just met feel like they are missing something, when they are telling me they are happy. I would never preach to someone I didn't even know in a room full of people they didn't know and try and make them feel like they are missing something. That is the difference. You saw me. I wasn't violent or malicious. I was kind to everyone and the 3 people that clung to me the most throughout the day were the children. The innocent. The ones that have not quite learned of fear. They do not fear "Homosexuals" yet. They do not fear different races yet. They are free. They are still innocent. They do not preach. They just love.
I know you feel sad for me. But I can assure you I have never been happier. It was when I was following Christ that i tried to commit suicide, it was when I was following christ that I hated myself and hated others, it was when I was following christ that i had so much built up anger for myself, the people in my life, and the world.
Only now am I free. Only now do I wish I could find a spring and drink from it and be able to live forever. Because I am happy. Because I am whole. Because I am me. Because there is so much good I want to do while I am here.
My goal on this earth is to never live a selfish life. You spoke about your life when you were not following christ and that you were just living for yourself. That made me sad. I do not relate to this in anyway. I have never wanted to live more of a selfless life than I do now. The day I become selfish and do not think of my loved ones or my neighbor is the day I have truly failed.
You have not been where I am. And that saddens me. Because where i am is truly magic. It is a place where there is so much love and joy, that sometimes it hurts.
We all have our own paths in this life. I do not regret where mine has gotten me. I do not ever feel I am missing something. I only ever feel that I have so much, that I must give it away. I am happy that for you, you found something that took you away from the bad life you were leading. And I will never tell you that you are missing something. I will never tell you that you don't understand, or know what true love and happiness is. I will never tell you, because who am I to preach to you about how you feel? You found what makes you whole, and that is all any of us should ever want for one another. So all I ask of you is to be happy for me that I am whole. Please do not try and make me feel I am missing something. The only thing I am missing, is being a child. Being in a world where there wasn't quite a sense of fear. A world where you and I could play on the playground and what makes us happy doesn't really matter, what matters is that we are happy.