Please don’t. No matter how dark the sky’s may seem, no matter how stuck you feel, no matter how deep of a hole you feel like you’re in, no matter what people do, say, or think to make you feel this way; it gets better. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. There’s someone who can help you out. There’s going to be better days. Yes, it will be hard, but it will get better. I promise.
As someone who has been in that situation multiple times through my high school years I know what it feels like. I know what it’s like to think about death. I know how scary the thoughts of “would anyone care if I wasn’t here?’ or “do I really have a purpose in this world?” are. Sometimes scarier yet, what you think the answers to those questions are. I asked myself the same questions day in and day out. I considered the same solutions, and even tried to end my life a couple times.
I won’t try and say that I understand what you’re going through or exactly what you’re feeling because I don’t. I don’t always understand every situation that leads people to have these feelings or thoughts but I do understand what it’s like to have them. I know how crippling they are. I know the feeling of losing all hope. I know how it feels to have nobody to talk to about it because you don’t trust them. And if you do trust them enough having the fear that you might be too much to handle and they might leave. I know the feeling of not wanting to tell the ones you can trust because maybe they’ll judge you for it, or you think there’s bigger problems going on and yours aren’t really that significant. I understand all of that. But above all, please know that whether these thoughts are coming from a close death, a breakup, an addiction, family problems, bullying, or anything else. Your feelings matter. Your feelings are important and no matter what anybody tells you there’s no reason to be ashamed of those feelings. The only thing you need to be ashamed about are the people who say that its selfish, or say it’s just in your head, or the people who say you’re just looking for attention. Those are the people you should be ashamed of.
I’m not a doctor, I’m not a therapist or a counselor but I am somebody who has been in the same place as a lot of you have and from struggling with this I have found a few ways for me that help and maybe can help you too.
By far the best thing that I have done to help my depression and thoughts of suicide is getting on an anti-depressant prescription and having counseling sessions simultaneously. I know sometimes this option can be scary, especially the counseling part. I promise you it’s worth it. I was scared shitless the first time I went in. I was so nervous and scared and I really didn’t say much or open up a whole lot the first time which is okay. The way I think about it now though is that it’s just someone to spill all my problems onto, it’s someone to talk things through with and understand them better, it’s someone who won’t judge and won’t leave but just be there to help you get better and live a happier life.
The second piece of advice I have for anyone going through any thoughts of suicide is to find something you love. Find something that will always make you smile or put you in a good mood. For me it’s music. If I am having a bad day I lock myself in my room and listen to music so loud that I’m pretty sure I will have permanent hearing loss but that’s okay because that’s the one thing that can always make me feel better. It doesn’t matter what this something is but if you find it I promise it will make things at least a little bit better. It could be a sport, art, a game, a hobby, whatever it is just as long as it makes you happy and it’s something you love doing.
The last piece of advice I have for anyone struggling with considering suicide would be to just picture the future. For me it was picturing my life in 15 years. Picturing having a family with a gorgeous wife and beautiful kids in a cookie cutter house in a safe neighborhood where my kids would make their best friends, where all of the families are friends, and just a nice suburban neighborhood. I pictured myself in my job as an elementary school teacher getting to work with kids and watch them grow and learn throughout the year. Having summers off to golf and coach my kids sports teams. All of those things were what got me through the times where I couldn’t see any light and didn’t see the point in living anymore. Whatever your dream job, family, house, and life is try and picture it.
No matter what the situation is, no matter what’s going on in your life, no matter how bad it may seem, no matter how lost and alone you may feel it does get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. There’s always someone who cares about you and would be devastated if you were no longer with them whether you believe it or not there is. There’s going to be bad days where it seems like the only way out is suicide but it isn’t. There is so much to live for, it’s just hard to see sometimes but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. On a cloudy night you might not be able to see the moon but it’s still there and still puts off light you just can’t see it on that particular night.
You are loved. You are needed. You are wanted. And most of all you are meant to be here.