To 17 Year Old Me

Subject: To 17 Year Old Me
From: 20 Year old You
Date: 8 Jan 2019

Hey, I’m sorry for talking so much shit about you to other people.

“I don’t know why I was like that in high school.”
“I get so embarrassed thinking about 17 year old me.”
“Yeah anything that happened prior to 2018 did not happen in my records.”

I’ve harbored this resentment towards you for the last 2 or 3 years. The decisions you made, the people you hung out with, the flaws in your personality. I would get so embarrassed thinking about it, wishing you had never been a version of me.

I’m 20 now, and so many things have changed. My appearance, my outlook on life, my personality, my friends, my love life and so on.

I like who I am now. I feel confident in myself, which I’ve never felt before - not when I was 17.

I’ve rejected you for so long, denying your indisputable existence and elder status in terms of first experiences.

I always cringed at your choices, condescendingly correcting your behavior in my head and thinking of ways I would do it differently, as a 20 year old.

But you were 17.

You were 17 and you had never seen or done any of these things before.

You were scared, naive, and insecure. As most high school girls are. If we could all be 20 mentally when we were 17 I’d bet we’d have a lot less prom night car accidents.

I’m not upset with you and I don’t hate you. You did your very best, and I thank you for leading me to where I am now.

Some advice I’d give you, though:

- You don’t have to have sex with anyone you don’t want to. Don’t be afraid to say no. Fuck what they want, it has to be what you want just as much.

- Leave him. Trust me. He’s actually a joke and he’ll start stalking your social media in a year trying to get in touch. Be prepared for a couple drunk texts that you’re gonna ignore.

- You’re gonna lose the weight.

- It’s not just a hobby. Pursue it. It will make you so much happier.

- Listen to mom.

- You’re going to fall in love for the first real time in about 2 years. He’s going to break your heart. Don’t let it weigh you down; he’ll regret it.

- Build your walls. It’s not a bad thing to be guarded; not everyone deserves to know you.

That’s about all I can think of so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that everything is going to be fucking okay. Stop being so angry. You’re going to become who you’ve always wanted to be in 3 years.
I’m not angry with you, and I’m not embarrassed of you. You’re me, and I’m you.