Dear Mom--
You probably guessed by the fact that I posted something on your Facebook wall that I didn't get your gift in the mail. Yeah. It's sitting in a pile on my "projects-that-need-immediate-attention" counter, right on top of your birthday cards. Sorry. Again.
I know that nothing I could write in 420 characters or less is really a good substitute for a Mother's Day gift. After all, you were in labor with me for how many hours? 12? 20? 36? And we won't mention the countless hours in doctor/dentist/orthodontists offices. Or the countless meals and loads of laundry. When I think about it that way, even if I got my gift to you on time it wouldn't even up the score.
So, why the open letter on my blog? Two words: Mother Guilt.
Remember when I was young and wore flowy dresses...
Family
My dear moody teen,
You’ve been part of this family for nearly two decades, and I love you now every bit as much as I did when you were laid on my chest as a greasy, wrinkly newborn. While I’m not as blind now as I was then to your imperfections, I’m every bit as sure that you are truly wonderful. I know now what I could not have known then: you are an intelligent, talented, kind-hearted, wise soul with endless potential. You can be whatever—whoever—you want to be, and I want nothing quite as adamantly as I want you to be happy.
Did you catch that last bit? I said that I want you to be happy. I suppose what I’m really trying to say is that I demand it. To that end, we need to get a few things straight around here:
• Much like a black hole, your foul moods mercilessly suck...
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Dear Bonnie,
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. For the little bit of my existence, I try not only to live for myself, but to live the life that you never got the chance to live. Even though I never got the opportunity to know you Bon, I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart. You'll always be that one person that I would love to sit down and have a multiple hour long conversation with at some random coffee shop talking about random things. I'm sorry that we'll never be able to do that. I want you to be proud of me and who I have become. I wish that I could've at least seen you with my own eyes, it would've been something I cherished for the rest of my life.
Just because I never saw you doesn't mean that I don't...
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Dear 'Dad', no, Sperm Donor,
You've never been in my life, except the short time from when I was 15-17. When faced with the responsibility of being a dad instead of a walking ATM, you told me you couldn't talk to me anymore and you removed yourself from my life. Since then I have gone and done things that haven't involved you. This includes my children. I invited you to my wedding and you didn't bother to come, but you immediately blocked my phone number after I left you the invitation voicemail.
I've heard you've been showing around pictures of my children, that you've never met or been sent pictures of by me, calling yourself their "grandpa".
When I sent you back the packages you sent for them I thought I made my intentions clear. You never bothered to be a dad, you weren't there...
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I do not remember the day you were born, I was only 7. I do have many memories of you though, I've known you for 32 years or at least thought I did. I remember the times we laughed and shared secrets. I remember the family vacations we went on. I remember doing the silly things that sisters do. I sometimes look at the kanji letter tattoo that means "big sister" and I laugh with tears filling my eyes.
We always joked that it probably actually meant cowshit or that yours which meant little sister, meant hopscotch or something totally different than what we thought. I wonder if you think about me and ever miss me, the way I do you, sometimes. I miss my niece and nephews. I would like to know the niece that I've only met twice, both times when she was first born. I know that it will never...
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dear boys,
my name is morgan manley, i'm only writing it now because somewhere down the line you might not know me. i dont foresee that happening, but life has a funny way of changing in the worst ways.
i met your mom our junior year, if i remember right. back then her personality was so bright and bubbly that we probably wouldn't have become friends if things were a little different.
i was a quiet withdrawn kid, an introvert. your mother is very much an extrovert! you'll probably already be aware by the time you read this that children that age are less then accepting. her hyper fun personality attracted a lot of attention. so in turn the other girls in school started to resent her. i think ultimately that's what brought about our friendship. it was in science class that my friend...
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TO THE UNITED NATIONS, PM STEPHEN HARPER, AND WORLD COURT...
I have been reading of the plight of former U.S. federal agent whistle blower Bruce Gorcyca who was tortured 3 months in U.S. custody and almost killed when he sought sanctuary in Canada I read the stories at these links;
http://www.scam.com/showthread.php?685196-PM-Stephen-Harper-Uses-Scam-Extradition-of-Whistle-Blower-To-Conceal-Torture-amp-Government-Crimes...
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Dear Tom,
The legal drinking age in this country is 21. Please know that dad and I will never allow you to have alcohol in our house or in our presence until you reach that age. Please also know that no good has ever come from a group of teenagers drinking. It's a recipe for all kinds of disasters.
If you should choose to drink, you'll not only be breaking the rules of our house, you'll be breaking the law.
If you get stopped for driving under the influence, or the police get called to a party where you have been drinking, you may be in a position where we can't protect you.
Always call me and your dad. ALWAYS. No matter what you have done.
Don't ever follow up a bad choice with one that's worse just because you're afraid of disappointing us or making us angry.
Will we be happy? Of...
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Dear Daughter,
Tomorrow you leave for overnight camp, the first time you will be away from home for more than a night and/or not under the supervision of a loving Jewish grandparent. Overnight camp is one of the true gifts of your young life -- a reward, if you will, for all of the hardwork you put into school and dance and following (most) of the rules the rest of the year. I wanted to give you some fatherly advice as you head out for what I'm sure will be the most fun you've ever had.
1. Use bug spray like it's going out of style. Your bites balloon up nicely so don't be bashful. Trust me, you'll be glad you lathered it on.
2. Initiate new friendships. All your existing friends will be here when you get back. Learn about people from other places, what they like and what they do...
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Dear Son,
Today is your seventh birthday. I write this letter to both you and your sister, as to me, you are both mirror images of each other. Day and night, sun and moon, fire and water.
I am so very blessed to have you in my life. You are the greatest gifts that have been bestowed upon me. I feel deeply grateful that the both of you chose me to be your mother.
I can't believe that you are already 7 years old. I wish I could say I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. But truth be told, it was all a blur. Since then, my hands and my days have been full of activity.
You and your sister bring a life force to our home that is infused with energy and intensity. You are light itself. Sometimes the gentle burn of a candle flame, and sometimes the sharp bolt of...
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