I really did love you. I loved you with a love that consumed me. It started out toxic and it still ended toxic. But I ignored the red flags because you were my first love and I wanted every moment I could get with you. I gave up everything I believed in for us to workout. And that was my biggest mistake.
I just want you to know that although I wasn't good enough for you, and she was at the time, that I don't blame you for anything. We both had our faults. We both over reacted about things, both got too angry at times. The difference though, is that even through all the bull shit and hardships we were facing, I still loved you and wanted to pull through. I'm sorry that you saw something also that caught your attention and that you forgot I still existed that day. I'm sorry that I was so forgettable.
When we first broke up, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Never in my life had I felt so betrayed and hurt. It was the heartbreak that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I was so angry at you. I’m not the type to hold grudges, so you really hurt me THAT much. I just thought “how could you decide just not to love me after everything?” And “how could you just decide I wasn’t good enough after the future we had promised?” But I guess it was my fault for loving you more than you deserved.
Needless to say, I will always have a soft spot for you but that’s been gone through the many times you come back to me and the times I’ve accepted you back into my heart. You were my best friend. You were the arms I would cry in. You were the person I wanted to love for along time. But I eventually came to the realization that you weren’t the person I wanted to love forever. You broke me. You lied to me. You hurt me. BUT you taught me how to love myself. And love my flaws. And there for a little while you loved all my flaws. You loved them before I did. You taught me that I am strong, and when something happens that I never thought would happen and my heart is broken in a million pieces, that I will be able to pick myself up and move on and be stronger than I ever was before.
Despite everything, I want you to know that I’m tired of being angry at you. I just want you to be happy, and that’s real. I genuinely hope you find someone who makes you so happy and that you imagine a future with her, just like you did with me. I hope she knows how sappy and romantic you can be with your random paragraphs and random posts. Because despite how it ended, I know you meant the romantic things you told me. And even after everything, I hope you have a happy life. A happy family of your own. Beautiful children. A beautiful house. I’ll be happy for you, no matter where life takes you.
I’m always gonna love you. BUT I don’t , or will I ever want you back, because I deserve someone that is gonna love me through everything, and that won’t be you. We’re both in better places in our lives right now and with that, I can finally say that the breakup was the best thing for me. It took losing myself and you to realize who i am and who i don’t want to be.
Love,
The girl who’s heart you broke that isn’t broken no more❤️
