To My Victim Advocate,
The day you were assigned to me I was nervous. I was living in a state of fear and unsure about everything. You stood by my side for almost a year until my case was over. During that time we developed a strong connection. I trusted you and felt safe knowing I had someone I could count on when my family wasn't able to be present.
After my case was over I relocated and moved on. Later I discovered you developed feelings when you reached out and remained in contact with me. Then I began to view you differently. I looked at you as my hero and forever bodyguard due to a part of my life you were involved in. The day you told me, "come here, we'll figure it out together", was like a wish come true. I fell hard for you. We dated and were crazy about each other, we craved one another. Then we got more serious and you asked me to move closer, so I did. I changed careers and relocated for you. It's clear now I fell for my VA, not the person playing the VA role that sent a text saying, "If she wasn't so uptight about her V my needs would be met".
We fought quite often once residing under the same roof. Both of us had different expectations and it really showed. We both said and did things that hurt each other. You never viewed any of the ugly things you said to or about me as wrong. Only the ugly things I said during disagreements were brought to attention. You never viewed any of the hurtful actions and decisions you made as wrong either, I was expected to accept it and "let it go". Due to your background as a Victim Advocate I was confused as to why you only pointed out when I responded bad or said something hurtful. Why was it okay for you to judge, be hurt, or react in certain ways, but not me? Why didn't my feelings about things matter? Why was it okay for you to make decisions that affected both of us without hearing my thoughts on the subject?
Then you were investigated, you went into a panic mode and I supported you all the way through. I knew your job meant everything to you. You said many times, "my job is who I am, if I lose that I'm nothing". You told me you needed emotional support during this time so I put my feelings aside and focused on you, I didn't receive anything in return except you allowing me to remain a part in your life. But then 2 months later you accepted a new job and left town without even telling my bye- I didn't even get a text saying you were leaving. Then you expect me to accept this behavior, to respect your continuing requests and applaud your new law enforcement job, and to be emotionally and mentally okay?
I don't think you understand the impact you had on my life. You were first my Victim Advocate, period! Then you pursued me and became my boyfriend. Victim Advocates are like the Avengers to abuse victims. They protect you and help you fight others you can't fight alone. You ruined all of that for me. Someone I once trusted with everything in my life, that knew all of my weaknesses in just one month of meeting me looks no better than the abuser I was protected from now. My Victim Advocate turned out to be a jerk with what seems to be a superiority complex playing dress up. Maybe this is why some abuse victims have such a difficult time coping and moving on- you can't tell the good from the bad, especially when wearing a shirt that says "Sheriff" now. I guess we just have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Sincerely,
The woman you will always owe an apology
