I don't hate you, but I should. You play the victim, the poor disabled man, the one who was wronged for no reason, oh so very well. You place blame and take no responsibility . I know some where deep in that scary head of yours, you know the truth. You know you and only you are the reason I left you.
When I think back, our entire 10 years was a lie. You lied to me from the start, hid what you were doing and you never stopped. I told you the day you walked away from me, phone in hand to talk to your then wife, the one you lied to me about, not to hide things from me and we would never have a problem. Why couldn't you just do what I ask? I feel like I am not goid enough for the truth. I know now your longing for love, your ego, your need to never be alone caused it all. Not that I have no blame in this, because I do. But you are a liar, a straight up liar, who I don't think is capable of the truth. You lied about things you didn't need to, things that were so unimportant. I truly think you believe your lies, that you can't help yourself.
I know so much more than you think I do.
You text your ex wife, called her day after day. And hid it from me. Did you think I wouldn't love you,wouldn't marry You? Even in our best days, our happiest times, you were always searching, looking for that woman to stroke your ego. I have no doubt you loved me, your definition of love. I honestly think you have no concept of fidelity. How many times did I catch you on internet sex sights? Advertising for a no strings attached sex buddy? And to you there was nothing wrong with that.
Your family never accepted me and you never tried to help that. How many times did they have me I tears and you just turned your head. Your son, who I loved like my own, was the only one who treated me with respect, kindness and love. After he died, I had a party to honor him, invited your entire family. They came into my home, ate the food I paid for and prepared, and never said 1 word to me. I sat in my own home in a corner with my head down. And you let it happen. Not one time, in 10 years did you stand up for me, stand beside me, for any reason. I was never important enough. Nothing I did was right or good enough. Someone else could always do it better in your eyes.
I worked long, hard hours so you could have what you wanted. When I finally realized my dream and opened my own business, you did nothing but criticize, belittle and chastise me. I ask to be by my side, but it wasn't good enough for you, unless of course it could make you look good or benefit you in some way. I bought you what ever you wanted or let you buy what you wanted while I did without. And when you finally did get me a gift, you either kept it for yourself or returned it days later. Anything you didn't take or return you kept when I moved out. What a selfish man you are.
You kept things you gave me, things my children gave me, things my mom made me, gifts I got from others, you even kept things that belonged to my dead husband before you. Your need for material things is far greater than what is right. Things I collected, things I painstakenly refinished. Why would you do that? Things that mean nothing to you, but so very much to me?
And then we come to the other women. You hit on my friends, and when they told me, you acted like they did it all. What you don't know is I have pictures of all your texts to them. You know the ones trying to send them naked pictures of yourself, the same pictures you put on the internet advertising for sex. Ya, I have pictures of that too. You really think in your warped mind, kissing another woman, sending 400 text messages about sex, meeting her while I was at home, telling her you hated me and were gonna run off with her, isn't cheating. But you are wrong, just because you didn't have sex with her doesn't mean it wasn't cheating. And then to lie about it, what kind of man are you? No, I didn't trust you, but over and over again you gave me reason not to. I sat back and took it all, because I really thought that out love was strong enough, that I was the one who could change you, to make you the man you should be.
I lived through you drug addiction and everything that came with it. The cruel, harsh words, the kicks, the hits, the shoves, the slaps, the choking. Through it all I held out hope, stayed by your side, how stupid of me. Even today you take no responsibility for any of it. You look me in the face and say I made it up. I made none of it up and you know that, you just won't admit it. How many times did I cry, heart wrenching sobs, and all you could do is tell me to shut up. I tired to cover the bruises but I could never the sadness that came with it. I kept hope in my heart that you would change. But you never did and never, not one time said you were sorry. How do you hurt someone you love that way? You had me on my knees, making me beg you, and the next day you acted like you had no idea what had happened.
You took and took from me, and never gave to me. You called me names, yelled at me, made me feel inferior, inadequate, stupid. I felt I couldn't do anything right, I was worthless, useless. You ruined my birthday parties by sitting inn the corner pouting or ignoring me completely. Any time it was about me, you made me regret it. I always tried to make you feel special, especially on your birthday. I had party after party for you, but you couldn't even remember when mine was until i reminded you, someone else always had a party for me, because you never even tried.
Then you started going on trips without me. When I needed you the most, when in was losing all i worked so long and hard for, you were gone on a trip, leaving me to deal with it on my own. To pack up all the memories, to close my business, to cry myself to sleep, only to have you come home and scream and yell at me, call me names, make me feel once again so alone and lonely.
I caught you again with a woman. You must really think in was stupid. If you are gonna lie and cheat, for God's sake, make up better lies. I ask you about her and you tell me you were friends with her husband, you were there to see him. He died a year before you got there. Did you think I hadn't done my research? To start with did really think i couldnt tell you limited what i could see on your Facebook? That you unfriended me and changed your status to single. Yes, I tracked you, but you gave me every reason to distrust you. You yelled at me for talking to her. You pushed me down and choked me. I cried for days and you told me to get over it. Did you think I wouldn't find out she was your high school girl friend? You told me one story, she told me another. You were only there 1 time? Liar, i tracked you there at least 5 times. It was the more than I could take. But you just kept up. The last straw was your naked picture advertising once again for sex. Paying $50 to a dating sight and blaming the charges on me. You didn't care about me. You blamed me for things I didn't do.
I gave up. On me, on you, on us. I gave up.
I can honestly say I never did Any thing while we were together. I can hold my head high, despite you trashing me to anyone who will listen. Blaming it all on me. Yes, I moved in with a man when I left you. A man I had known for 20 years. Yes, an ex lover. But he knows me, saw the sadness in my eyes and wanted to help me. When I moved in, I stayed in the spare room. There was nothing between us. Your constant threatening calls, 100 text messages in 1 night, drunken rantings drove me into his arms. I never touched him or anyone else the entire time we were together.
Now we come to the present. Any time some one is near you when we talk, you act like I did it all,that you are innocent, to back up your story I guess. You brought your girlfriend to divorce court. Just to get in that last dig. To shove her in my face, then have to text me and tell me she is the one I caught you with, your high school sweet heart. All I can say is Really? You are suppose to upgrade when you cheat on your wife, not scrape the bottom of the barrel. That is an old, nasty, ugly woman! Even my attorney laughed at you over her. I guess youbwont have to worry about her leaving you, cuz for damn sure she won't get anyone else.
I told you, I always know!! I know you are cheating on her, didn't take you long. I can even give you their names if you want!! I had doubts if I had done the right thing, yes. Yes I did. You will always cheat, always lie and always play the victim. You are pathetic and 1 day soon karma will come looking for you while I sit back, smile, and go on with my happy life. Goid bye Michael, I don't love you anymore.
