This is an issue that has been ignored for too long. It is time that the people see porn for what it really is, instead of seeing it the way porn companies and consumers see it. It has been ignored for various reasons. Some people get very uncomfortable when talking about anything related to sex. Others are afraid to offend other people. Others just don’t care, seeing no issue with porn consumption. But this letter is meant to start a discussion as well as address you: porn watchers. This letter is addressed to all men who watch porn either moderately, frequently, or obsessively, which is an extremely high amount of people. This number would include myself because I still struggle with porn use. My rate of viewing has decreased from twice a day, to once every ten days, roughly. I am making progress, but you will see why stopping porn viewing is difficult if you read further. I can’t know exactly why you watch porn, but whatever your motivations are, I know well enough that you don’t think what you’re doing is harmful in any way. My hope is that you see porn for what it is, and begin the process of cutting it out of your life, like I did.
Porn hurts the individual and society. Porn is intrinsically harmful. What does this mean? I do not mean that porn is immoral, nor do I say that porn is the same as heroin or meth, where your body becomes chemically dependent on it, making recovery extremely difficult (though recovery is difficult). I am saying that porn, hurts sexuality, and general happiness in life.
So why does porn hurt sexuality? Well, we must first identify why porn is so popular, and why so many people watch it in the first place. Since porn is most popular among straight men, that is the group that I will be focusing on primarily.
From a natural perspective, humans are only meant to do two things: survive and reproduce. The male role in this is to give the seed to the female. To motivate the male to do this, nature had to make males want to do it. So, nature made the sex-drive. This makes males attracted to female bodies, and makes them want to have sex with females.
This desire lead to the creation of porn. You must understand that the only reason porn exists, and people make money off it, is because it is simply an easy way to fulfill your primal desire of seeing naked women. And if you masturbate while watching porn, your desire for sexual release will be fulfilled, too. Though porn is not the same as real sex, (which will be explained later) it does enough to fulfill the primal desires.
Modern porn allows a man to see naked women without having to do any work, a few left-clicks at most. It is quicker, easier, and more pleasurable than making yourself into an eligible partner, going out, meeting girls, and maybe getting one to like you enough to sleep with her. It is a sort of biological shortcut. Because of all this, your sexuality can become tied to pornography, even if you view it moderately. Your brain will associate sexual pleasure with porn, instead of real sex.
Porn hijacks your brain, and makes it only respond sexually to seeing several nude pictures and sexual videos on a computer screen at once, making it far more difficult to enjoy sexual intimacy with a real woman. Now you may be thinking: “Hold on! Sex in real life is obviously better than watching porn, it is ridiculous to think someone would rather watch porn than sleep with a real woman!” To understand why this is often not true, you must understand that porn and real sex are very different. When your brain is exposed to porn much more often than real sex, or before real sex which is often the case, your brain associates sexual pleasure with porn instead of real love. Your brain will only respond to the super-stimulus of porn and not to a real woman. The brain structures of those who watch even moderate amounts of porn do not allow them to enjoy a real woman. This may sound crazy, but there is evidence in the real world to support this. I have my personal experience as evidence, but there are others online who share similar experiences: the experience of losing interest in real women and relying on porn for sexual satisfaction. This is how porn hurts your sexuality. It decreases your enjoyment of real women, and in some cases, you cannot even respond sexually to a real woman.
This is supported by studies that show that partners in a relationship who watched porn, or who were just exposed to porn in a controlled environment, were more critical of their partner’s appearance and their performance in bed. Take this how you like, but the way I see it: these people are far more satisfied by porn than by real sex, and real sex has a hard time competing with porn.
The super-stimulus of porn has other adverse effects. It prevents the individual from being as happy as he can possibly be. Porn overloads your brain with pleasure, resulting in your brain’s tolerance for pleasure increasing, thus increasing the amount of pleasure needed to satisfy you. This will quickly make you enjoy normal life activities less and escalate the extremity of the porn you watch. Porn as well as other highly stimulating activities, will become the only thing that can give you pleasure. You will end up living your life waiting for the next time you can indulge yourself in highly pleasurable activities, until before you know it, your whole life has passed you by. Again, speaking from personal experience, supported by brain scans and similar accounts online. Anyone is susceptible to this, no one is immune. Even moderate viewers can experience this effect.
And because of this, porn can trigger feelings of depression and anxiety in viewers. It does not necessarily cause those feelings, but it creates the optimal conditions for them to arise. Porn is not the only physical pleasure that can have this effect, though. Things like smoking, frequent drinking, eating junk food, having meaningless sex, often have the same effects on your brain described above: increasing tolerance to pleasure (which is why I avoid those things as well). However, porn provides more pleasure than those things because it is linked to our most primal desire: the sex-drive. And it is also easier to fall into the habit of viewing porn frequently because sexual-stimuli and sexual release are among the most powerful rewards and motivators humans can experience.
You may think that you are not controlled by porn. You may think that your brain is no different than when you didn’t watch porn. That is easy for you to think, but why don’t you test that theory? Try going a week, or a few days without watching porn. See what happens. See whether you control porn or porn controls you.
These factors, and more, are what make porn harmful in and of itself. I believe that the happiness of the world would go up if less people watched porn. People have quit the porn industry before, and people have quit watching porn before, so it is not impossible to escape its tight grip. I am not demanding you quit, I am just asking that you consider what has been said above, along with other harmful effects associated with porn, and make a decision.
