To the boy who didn't care enough,
It's been so long since we talked properly but your face still flashes in front of my eyes sometimes,catching me by surprise every single time. No, this isn't a love letter that I wish you'd read and finally realize that you love me back. Not in the slightest. This is me trying to explain my side of our story to you.
Lets go back about 18 months. I was home for Australia for my summer break and that's when everything changed. In this world of Tinder and Bumble, we met each other in a rather old fashioned way. Yep, that's right. On Facebook, of course. We started chatting and clicked instantly. So much so that within only a few days I recognized that what we had was different from anything I had ever experienced before. But there's always a catch. Ours was that you were about to leave the country to study in the United States in a few days while I was supposed to go back to Australia in about a month's time. We decided to meet once before the two of us went our separate ways. We chose Starbucks for our 'non-date' date. Even today, I remember it like it was yesterday. On my way back home, I realized that there was a very real chance that I was going to fall in love with you.
We talked almost every day after that and then one day you left. Soon after that it was my turn to leave. Once I came back to Australia, texting you became a regular thing for me. All this while I was falling deeper and deeper in love. Our texts were funny, sweet, deep and usually flirtatious. One day, I decided to tell you how I felt. I blurted everything out and you said that you didn't feel the same way about me at that time but you potentially could, in the future. I was crushed before realizing that maybe, just maybe, there could still be a chance for us.Content with that, I resumed our friendship. In hindsight I realize how stupid I was. Our chats resumed, and nothing was different. Everything felt the same. This went on for a few months before I just had to know for sure. So I asked you again, and you turned me down. Long distance wouldn't have worked anyway, you said. This time, it completely broke my heart. I told you that I couldn't do it anymore and completely cut off any contact between you and me. That was probably the hardest thing I had done but it had to be done, right? Eventually we started talking again but you were different now. And so was I. I realized that you had met someone without you ever saying it. So I accepted that and decided to move on. If only it were that simple. It was nearing the end of the year and then suddenly it was December and we were both back home for our breaks. We decided to meet again and made plans for drinks and dinner. You came to pick me up and the second I saw you, the world seemed to vanish. In a sudden flash, I came to the understanding that I had never stopped loving you. At the restaurant, sitting across and talking to you, felt so right. It felt natural and perfect. You had your phone out a few times and were texting someone who I assumed was your girlfriend. It bothered me more than it should have but there was nothing I could do. Suddenly, you slipped into the conversation that fact that you had a girlfriend now. I smiled and tried to not show what I felt in that instant. I genuinely had the best time that night. I remember that I was a little tipsy by the end of it and on our way back I told you what I felt one last time. Everything that I had locked away in my heart came out and you listened. Patiently. You said that you understood. When we reached my house, in the car, all I wanted to do was to kiss you. One last goodbye kiss. But I couldn't do it. I gave you a hug instead and left.
Now fast forward a couple of months. I was back to Australia and loving you had become a part of me now. I hadn't spoken to you since that night and I wasn't about to start anytime soon. You kept posting pictures with your girlfriend on social media and I kept ignoring them. Today, we are strangers. Even though you promised that we'd still be friends you never made an effort to keep in touch. Living with a broken heart is tough but its even tougher when you know that the person you love has no clue or concern about how you're doing. None whatsoever. I'm not mad at you for not loving me back. I understand that part. What I don't understand is how could just not spare a single moment to make sure that your 'friend' was doing okay. I was never your friend, was I? I get it I suppose. You're happy and people often forget in their own happiness to wonder about other people. I'm mad that you didn't mean it when you said that we'd still be friends. You rejected me twice. Once,my love, and the second time, my friendship. I'm stronger now. I have learnt to live while still loving you. I have accepted the fact that I don't matter to you in the slightest and you never thought twice about what our encounter meant to me. I've learnt to be okay with that now. I know that a part of me will always love you, but I now I have accepted that. I have exited your life for good and only wish that you find happiness. I will try my hardest to be happy as well. I owe it to the new person coming into my life. Maybe this time, things won't as wrong as they did with you.
The girl who is kind of moving on.
