Dear Keeper,
You are not my mother. You are my keeper. It takes more than giving birth to a child to be a mother. You may not beat me up physically but mentally, I'm broken and I may never be fixed. You see how much I love my father and you can't stand it. You tell me things about him in an attempt to make me change my mind but I always end up loving him more and you less. Lies, that’s all you tell me and after everything you've done to him, he refuses to spread one rumor to me about you. Before the divorce, I saw the way you treated him and I see the way you treat him now and I hate you for it.
You bullied him. You made him feel worthless and you called him foul names in front of his children. You stripped him of his dignity and made him feel small and now that you can no longer control him, you turn to me. I think the reason you don't like me is because I remind you too much of him but I don't mind because I don't like you either.
I know that you aren't stupid. You see the way I look at you, my eyes filled with hate. Yet, you don’t care. "Don't think I don't notice the way you distance yourself from me." You coldly spit out at me. "And I'm gonna let you do it."
You scream at me because I go to my father for things instead of you. "I just don't get it. You have a perfectly good parent right here." you argue. I just sit back and laugh. I want to say something but you won't let me get a word in. "Perfectly Good Parent". These words make me laugh more. If you would let me speak, I would explain my laughter to you. "How ignorant you are makes me laugh. 'Perfectly Good Parent'? You just told me that you notice the way I distance myself from you. If you were a PERFECTLY GOOD PARENT, YOU WOULD WONDER WHY YOUR DAUGHTER IS DISTANCING HERSELF FROM YOU AND YOU WOULD TRY TO STOP IT FROM HAPPENING. YOU WOULD AT LEAST TRY. TRY TO GAIN HER LOVE, TRUST, AND RESPECT BACK!" I would scream, my humor quickly spiraling into anger. But you will never let me speak and you will never know the truth. Your ignorance will remain a part of you forever.
I try to be strong but at night when I am all alone, I just can't hold in my tears any longer. I used to have a dog to comfort me. His soft hair used to dry my face. But, you took him from me too. You just can't stand it when I'm happy. Yet, you fuss at me when I'm sad. The one thing that you will NEVER take away from me is my father.
I used to be able to tell people that I am not afraid of anyone or anything. It used to be true. Now, the only thing I'm afraid of is becoming like you someday. You broke me. I hope you're happy. I'm sure it's what you always wanted.
Love,
The Lost Daughter
