Dear Mommy
It's already been a while since you had to leave us. But I remember it as if it wad yesterday. Even though i had the chance to say my goodbyes to you I didn't really take it and I will never forgive myself for it. But I want you to understand why... I was so young and I thought I knew what it meant that you were going to die but I didn't. I didn't know how it would be to never see you again. I didn't even let myself imagine. At the time all I could think about was how mad I was that you got all the attention and how wrong it was that we had to take care of you, it was supposed to be the other way around, after all you were the mum. I will never be able to forgive myself for thinking that way I don't even fully understand it myself... I was so selfish. But Mom I need you to know how much I love you and admire you still after all these years. It kills me to know how I treated you back then and that I didn't tell you how much you meant to me. I don't even remember our last conversation even though I knew I would never be able to talk to you again after that. You are my number one idol and your strength inspires me. It makes me so sad that I only realised how strong you were long after you went away. You are missed dearly on this planet and I hope you know how big and unconditional my love for you is and has always been, even though I never actually told you.
I have made so many mistakes in my life but there's nothing I regret as much as not spending all the time you had left with you. I don't know if there's something after death but I like to think so. I like to think that you're watching over me now and see how much I have changed. There will never be anything I want as much as for you to be proud of me and the things I do.
All my love to you
Your daughter
