To my partner in crime
As I sit here again awaiting your newest dismissal I wonder how I ever got here to start with?
Beautiful I'm told, successful and free of any baggage, free to have any man I might wish. Yet here I sit aching for one that is already taken.
Its silly really for me to be here agonising over every flippant word, wondering if you might ever be mine. Its actually quite outstanding how you managed to pursue me until I gave in to your charm then cruelly manipulate me into believing that this time 'it was different'. The very way you eased my guilty conscience by convincing me of how wicked your spouse truly is and how incredibly unloving a home to which you belong. Of course not quite wicked enough to actually leave.............
Yet despite the fact that I know your game I still sit here, agonising, aching, desperate. Does this feel good to you? Are you proud to have clipped my wings knowingly imprisoning me to my thoughts whilst you, ahem, try again with the women you claim to not love? Amazingly you still consider it an attempt but yet have not lost resolute contact with me.
Do you love me? In any way? It seems like a long game to play just for the physical relief. Or was it my strong independence and fiery aggression that you felt needed curbing? Were you longing for the opposite of what you already had then thrilled into the prospect of using it all up for yourself? Have you tired of me now I demand something in return for the sale of my soul?
Its amazing how quickly one human can hollow another by nothing more than words, or the lack of. Its amazing how I can spend my entire adult life as a strong, independent, moral member of society only to crumble and lose it all in an instant. To turn me from the person who saw adultery as abhorrent to the person who would destroy anything that tried to stand in her path to 'true love'
Yet here I sit, again waiting for your dismissal, loyal to the end and unfaltering in my emotion and affection. I have never experienced a love so deep and so deeply unforgiving. A passion so intense but so dangerous. A longing that I long to disappear. With every minute is a minute closure to my absolute destruction or my only chance of rescuing what is left of my bird boned spirit.
One thing is for certain, I have never felt a love like this and hope I never do again
