I had seen signs of things that I didn't think we're normal in a healthy relationship, but I ignored them because I loved you. When school started you got mad when I went to lunch with my friends and you even got mad when I spend time with my family. It was almost as if you were in competition with them, fighting for me. I wish you had known that you were the only one fighting when you didn't even have to. You weren't in a competition with anyone.
Fast forward to the threatening texts messages, the criticism, the hatred of everyone in my life, the cruelty, and the manipulation. When we first broke up I thought I was blind to that because of how much I loved you. Looking back on it now I realize that you made me feel like I had no one else, leaving me to rely only on you. I wasn’t blind to it, I had to ignore it because I felt like I had no other choice. I would go home, sit on my kitchen floor and cry for hours, and I hate that you had enough power over me for that. I hate that even though I put up with all of your bullshit, you made me think everything was my fault. I hate that you got mad at me for talking to people and said "why are you trying to make friends? No one wants to be friends with you." I hate that you almost tore my friendship with my best friend apart. I hate that you stole my senior year. I hate how judgmental you were. But most of all, I hate how you made me feel about myself.
I had plans to break up with you for months, but I never took action because I was too scared of being alone. You had alienated me to the point where I only had one friend. When I called to break up with you and you said, "if you hang up you will never talk to me again." My heart shattered. Hanging up the phone was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was the best decision I've ever made. You shattered my heart into pieces, and left me to pick them up for myself. I was miserable, I thought I would never find anyone like you. But now I realize I don't ever want to find someone like you. I deserve someone better than you. I deserve to be happy in a relationship that enhances my life instead of making it worse. I deserve someone who wants me to be happy, not someone who tears me down so they can be happy.
You’ve left me broken. I don’t know if I even believe in love anymore. I can't trust anyone and the thought of being in a relationship with anyone sets me into a panic. I blame you for that. I blame you for breaking my heart in a way that it can never be the same.
I wish that on the days that you kicked me out of your house that I left and never came back. I wish that when you told me to come over to your house every day after school that I had gone home to see my family instead. I wish that I didn't let you take over my life.
From all of this, the only thing that I want to know, is did you really love me? I don't understand how someone who claims to love someone else could treat them that horribly. What you did was wrong and you should be ashamed by the pain that you have caused me.
I want you to know that I am doing fine. Actually, better than fine. I have amazing friends and an amazing family, and there was nothing you could ever do to change that. You wanted to be the center of my world, but my world is better without you in it.
