Dear Mr. President,
I have a solution that will solve all of America’s problems. On Jan. 20th, after Trump is sworn in, just don’t move out of the White House. Don’t pack your stuff. Don’t go on craigslist to look at apartments. Just stay right where you are, sir.
When Trump comes to the door, I suggest you make some excuse. Like, “Sorry, one of my daughters has locked herself in her room and won’t come out. You know how teenagers are…In fact, isn’t a teenager taking you to court?”
Meanwhile, Mrs. Obama can face off with Trump’s wife. When Melania says, “It’s our turn now.” Michelle can say, “It’s our turn now.” When Melania says, “Why are you two acting like this?” Michelle can say, “Why are you two acting like this?” This is the only way to ensure that she won’t use Mrs. Obama’s words in her next speech.
That will buy all of us some time. All of the thinking, rational, non-assclown citizens of America and every nation will rush to your aid. We will sit in the drive and block Trump’s gold-plated moving trucks. The Mexican government will build a wall around the White House gates to protect you. All of us—the Muslims and LGBT’s and disabled, all colors and all classes, the scared and hurt and defiant, will hold hands and form a circle on the White House lawn to try and keep the world as we know it from ending.
Don’t worry, it will all be over in a few hours. Then Trump will have to rush home and go to bed early so he can get up at 3AM and Tweet about it. As a consolation prize, Fox news will give him a TV show, where he and Sean Hannity sit in a hot tub together and throw rocks at puppies or something.
Meanwhile, Hilary can sneak in, but not through the back door. She can parachute from Air Force One into the Oval Office—right through the ceiling.
Just think about it.
Signed,
All of us
