Why god? Why? Didn't you create me with love? Why so much disappointment? Am i asking for something which is not possible? Am i asking for more then i deserve? Can't you give me the reason.. why me God?
What else you can expect from a girl who just got rejected nth number of time. I too had dreams ... i too had desires.. like other girls i always had daydreams about future and my love life... but as the time moved on... reality hit me hard... i met with a guy named ahil through social networking site and within just short span of time we became very good friends.. after 6 months of our friendship , first time we exchanged contact numbers and started talking over calls.. it was a beautiful period .. we used to call each other friends but it was something more then a friendship .. after a year i finally proposed him and we both knew the feeling was mutual but he decided to answer after meeting and i accepted.. we decided to meet and finally we met at rajiv chowk ... we spent good time together but then the time came... i faced the first ever rejection from a guy who used to say that he is addicted to me... but just because i have some physical flaws that affect my looks all the feelings vanished... and he decided to call things to an end... i didnt force him to be with me as i knew he won't ... he left me... and i was all alone... then i decided to be single as i knew every guy wants his girlfriend to be physically attractive and beautiful .. i was neither beautiful nor attractive ... i was just a simple average girl with some visible flaws and scars... then after 5 years of this incident another guy Nish came in... we first talked over a confrence call for a common friend's birthday ... we exchanged numbers and started chatting... and within few days without even meeting Nish proposed me for marriage and he gave me the best ever compliment of my life that " U're the kind of girl i can introduce my parent to.. for marriage " i had fear in mind as my love luck wasn't good in past... i already told him that i am not beautiful or attractive .. i am an average looking girl.. don't make such big promises without meeting... but he said looks don't matter to me .. you are beautiful soul and thats what really matters ... somewhere in my heart i was happy and some vanished dreams came back in my eyes and started planning future with him... then we met finally.. and it was the most beautiful date ever... he was so caring and loving.. i really felt so loved and i was so so excited after meeting him... he called me and confessed that it was the most special day for him as well.. then after two days we met again... it was a sudden plan... after that meeting.. he behaved strangely.. he started ignoring my texts.. when i used to be romantic he started avoiding me... i couldn't understand whats the issue but then one day he said that i can't commit anything to you.. we can be friends but not more then that... the 2nd and most unexpected rejection i faced...my world literally shattered after this... i was in great depression that my family sensed it too... i used to pray to god that please i want him badly please make us together ... i can't live without him... i used to ask to god that am i asking for too much.. i just want someone who can love me unconditionally... and in return i can give him my unconditional love... but don't i deserve that love just because i am flawed physically... just because i am not beautiful... and now today after almost one year i just faced an another rejection.. leaving me shattered again but now.. i don't have energy to give love an another chance .. God u won.. I quit.. I finally gave up on love... Now no more rejections.. i will fight to my loneliness ... I am sufficient for myself... but deep down inside my heart yearns for that feeling of being loved... but i realised that all those thoughts and quotes of loving an inner soul are fake.. All that matters in this world is your attractive appearance and nothing else... :( i finally quit on love.. as its not for an ugly duckling like me ....!
