I was SO angry at you. I was SO angry that you would leave me when you promised me that you would always stay. I blamed myself for months, thinking that maybe it was my fault that you didn't feel loved, that it was my fault you didn't think about how much everyone cared about you. Hell, were brother & sister, we were always gonna get into mini arguments about who gets the last piece of pizza, or who uses the bathroom first in the morning or whose gonna get their own car first. I value those arguments, I miss those arguments, I dreaded them when they happened.
But, I miss those arguments cause right after that, you would hug me & tell me you were sorry, you would tell me you loved me. I don't remember what the sound of your voice sounds like anymore. I would ALWAYS annoy you, cause whenever your friends came over, I would always wanna hang out with you too. Not because I wanted to annoy you, but because I wanted to see how your friends made you happy, so I could attempt to do the same thing, maybe then you wouldn't of been so sad. I was & always will be protective over you.
I love you with every bone in my body. Your soul may have left this earth, but your memory lingers on. I know you're there with me. I may not be able to see you, but I can feel you. You're my best friend, my brother bear, my rock. I hate the fact that you will never be able to see me get married. Or you will never be able to meet my children one day, or yell at me cause I have to much makeup on. Even though you left, I assure you, the man I fell in love with 4 years ago will take very good care of me. I never really ask you for much, but all I ask you is.. please don't watch over me as much. Mom needs you, more than I do. I try to stay strong like you taught me. The hardest part of losing you was when life started to move forward, having to realise that even i have to move forward & i had to learn how to live without you. Having to realise that your not a phone call away. That people continued to ask "how are your parents" ,not even like i didn't loose my everything too. that we won't be old together. I miss you more than words can explain like there should be another word i can use because i more than just miss you.
So I guess I'll just have to settle with see you later, brother bear.
