Read until the end.
I always wonder why things never work out as planned. Maybe I'll never know but I was so sure that things between us would work out. We started dating in April and we instantly clicked that night at Walmart, you automatically became my best friend. The more we talked, I told you everything no matter what. I instantly felt comfortable and safe around you. We would take random Walmart trips and we would go to the toy section and we would just joke around, it made me like you so much more than you could imagine. Just being with you made me happy. We hung out all the time and it even got to the point of me meeting your mom, even though I didn't want to, I did. Just to make you happy.
I met your mom at the beauty pageant, she never really liked me because I was so young and I never really wanted to see them like your other ex's did. I wasn't a family person. When we would have to go to your parents house I would sit outside in the truck. I didn't like seeing them, I don't know why I just didn't. None of your family really liked me. I don't blame them, I don't like myself. I fell for you, the night you met my mom. I fell for you that night at sonic. I fell for you. My love grew stronger for you than it ever did with anyone.
I can sit here and say I hate you, make fun of you and anything else but it would all be pointless lies coming from my mouth. Because you know I don't hate you. You know I used to care about you way more than anyone else in the world. I actually want to thank you. I want to thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for everything, because I was so head over heels for the attention I never actually realized I fell in love with the attention I never fell in love with the real you. I got way too clingy way too fast. Yes, I loved everything about you, I loved your eyes when you first woke up or how messy your hair was when you first woke up, how you smelled when you got out of the shower I loved how hard you laughed at that stupid cat commercial even though it wasn't that funny.
I thought you were going to be the one, and holy fuck, I was so selfishly in love with you, I never let you go. I got mad when you wouldn't come and see me because you had other plans. I regret it all. I regret all the nights I would get mad because you wanted to leave, I regret all the times I cried for no fucking reason just because I wasn't getting what I wanted. I was selfishly in love. I never thought about what you wanted. I never thought about what was better for you.
It was always constantly about me and good lord I'm sorry. Even after we broke up it was all about me and I never realized why. Until now. Its September 19th. I'm just now realizing why everything ended in such a bad way.
I know you don't believe I had a miscarriage but I swear on my brothers life I did. You don't have to believe me. I know its hard when I have no proof. I'm sorry though. I don't even know if youre going to read this. Know I'm sorry. I'm not asking for you to be my friend. But if you could just understand that I'm truly sorry, thatll be enough for me. I don't know how your life is going but I hope its going good.
