Dear Friend,
For the past 2 years, 8 months, and 9 days, my heart has not been my own. My mind hasn’t focused on anything other than his words, my eyes haven’t seen anything but his, and my heart has not been my own. I am hopelessly, dreadfully, pathetically, completely in love with this boy. Maybe you knew, or maybe you didn’t. Maybe he knew, or maybe he didn’t. Neither of which makes a difference.
He is your ex-boyfriend. You loved him with everything you had and he talked about your future together. But slowly, your insecurity and paranoia took over your life, and he saw you become something he couldn’t love anymore. So forever was cut short.
Since then, I’ve been picking up the pieces of your heart, his heart, and my heart, because he’s my best friend, and so are you. Trying to hold each of you together is tearing me apart. You want me to pick a side, but I can’t. I refuse to give up either of you. You are my best friend, and so is he. I could live without either of you, but my life would be dull, quiet, and boring, so I don’t want to. I love you both. So much so that I’ve sat on my feelings and hushed my heart, just to keep up this friendship with the two of you.
But the truth is, I’ve loved him since I met him. I hid it because for the past years because you and him was all I knew. And after the breakup, everything changed. And for some idiotic reason, I told him my feelings. He implied that it was mutual. Maybe he was being truthful or maybe he was trying to make me feel better. But we can’t be together for two reasons. Reason one is because of our friendship, neither one of us is ready to put that on the line. Reason two is you. He can’t hurt you like that and neither can I.
Reason two shouldn’t matter. I put you first for so long. I shouldn’t let you hold me back anymore. For two years, I watched you with him. I watched him love you. I watched you toy with his heart, unintentionally I hope. I watched you take him for granted. I watched him break. And every single day that I watched you two, I wished that it was me and him. I knew that I was so much better for him. I could make him happier, I wouldn’t drain him and break him like you did, I was… simpler. And trust me, I felt like a horrible person for thinking these things, but I couldn't help myself.
But I didn’t say anything. I let him love you. I let it be. I let go of the chance of me and him and our forever. And what a damn good friend I was. I loved that boy with every ounce of my being. And for that love, I let him chase my best friend. I suppose that that's when you know the love is true: when you put their happiness above your own.
