I'm not sure why I'm writing this considering your probably never going to see it, but I think it's kind of theraputic. Maybe one day I'll have the nerve to tell you all of this. First I wanna start off by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being that crazy ex-girlfriend from 6 years ago who can't get over you. But I cant. You were my first love and I haven't found one that compares. If I knew how to stop it, I would. Because I'll be the first to tell you nothing hurts worse than loving someone you can't have. It's been years since you've even told me you loved me and I still can't get over you. Tailor once told me that she could see us getting back together in the future, that she had this feeling. And I held onto that, it gave me hope that someday you could love me again as much as I love you. But I can't hold on to that anymore. Because reality has set in and I can see my worse fears coming true. I'm losing you. And that scares the hell out of me. Someone that use to be the biggest part of my life will eventually become a stranger. It terrifies me that some day when we've gone two years without talking and see each other in the grocery store our conversation will consist of "hi how have you been." It terrifies me that someday, when we've gone thirty years without talking you'll be in the grocery store with your kids, and I'll hardly recognize you because the grey that's popped through the brown. And we'll smile at each other like two friendly strangers. But what scares me the most is the possibility that one day when im old and it's been 60 years since we've talked, I'll be sitting in a rocking chair reading the newspaper or whatever new technology has taken its place, and I'll look down and see your obituary. And your picture is unrecognizable. And the only reason I know it's you is because your name and birthday. And my grandkids will ask me what's wrong and I won't be able to answer them because my heart is torn to pieces. The mere thought of you not being in my life makes me sick. I know that people come in our lives for different reasons and I know that some arent meant to stay. I know that I have to let you go, and Im trying. So, hopefully this will help. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you have found someone who loves you for everything you are. Someone who understands just how lucky she is to be able to see you every day, to hear your voice and know that you love her. I hope that one day I can see you two together and truly be happy for you. Because at the end of the day, thats all I want for you. I want you to be happy and to live your life with someone you are so deeply in love with you just seeing her makes your heart flutter. And if Im not thay girl, I guess eventually it will hurt less. Just know that I love you, and I always will. I will never forget you and will always there when you just need someone to cry on. I wish you the best.
