Dear Master
The day has finally come. Those who didn’t want us together seem to have finally won. But what have they won, truly?
As much as they tried, they could never kill our love.
Yes, I still love you, and to a certain extent, I believe you love me too. I fell for you, real hard. I fell for your words, too hard.
I believed in your promises, I trusted you with my heart and soul. When you showed me (without words) that who you truly love is her, I grew to love her too, because I must love your True Love in order to love you. Yes it isn’t fair to me; it was too tough on my already broken heart. Some of your deeds had broken my soul several times. Nonetheless, I love you selflessly even though I wanted and needed you selfishly.
When I was finally made to understand what you really want, I knew then, very sadly, that it isn’t what I seek. You tried to make me see that what you want is the same thing as what I want, but it isn’t. I want a True Love Master for myself, one who loves me above all else just as I love him above all else. You cannot give that to me; my well-being and my dream isn’t your priority. And I don’t blame you for that.
Yet, I thank you because you have been my Master, my Love. Through my pain and sadness, I still choose to love you and Mistress, because it is far too excruciating to hate. You may not give me the closure I need, but perhaps this letter could act as a closure.
I will learn to move on. I will learn to forget the bad things, the sad things, the painful things that we’ve said to each other. I will remember you by the happy things you’ve said to me, the great amount of patience you’ve shown me, the tenderness with which you’ve held me, and the times you’ve given me to serve you. I remember when you have taught me to draw from you whatever I needed. I will remember those times when you were real to me, when you were, in a way, vulnerable to me. I wanted to hold you tight and tell you everything will be fine because you have me, too. (But as kajira, I couldn’t do that last bit.) No matter what others say or think, you are always Master to me.
God, I have not grieved so hard before in my life, not until now. I feel as if my other half has been torn from my soul. There are no words to describe such anguish and desolation. I long for that pair of strong arms to hold me while I weep, but there are none. My Twin Flame isn’t here yet; I need to carry on alone, on my own. In the end, we’re all on our own.
For the good of you and your household, and for my own sanity and emotional health, I must let go of you and move on. Tor-tu-Gor! May Light shine upon your Home Stone, Master.
Love
renee{JW}
