Dear you,
As the days go by, I find out more and more. I cannot help but go back and forth between anger and what seems like an unending sadness. After I wrote my first letter to you, we had a conversation through texting. It was the first time we had been able to talk since the break up. That night we ended up talking on the phone. The only reason that happened is because I told you I was seeking help from a consular. You answered the phone and began telling me I had to leave you alone. I shouldn't contact people because "You knew what I was trying to do". Well you actually do not know what I was trying to do. I messaged your Grandma because she is on vacation and I probably will never see her again and I was genuinely wishing her well. You told me I couldn't talk to my best friend about my feelings because he is "your best friend and I knew he would tell her". The only person I contacted with hope of them telling you something was your friend Jordyn. Which I realize was wrong. I just find it really hard to not talk to you. I have spent so long with you and have talked to you everyday. This is where my sadness comes in.
My anger stems from finding out that you had already basically began a relationship with someone new. You had been talking to him for a few days. I never realized that one week would be too late to apologize for what I had done wrong and get you back. I also found out that there is a good chance you have already had sex with this new guy. What kind of person can just give up on a relationship where we both promised to work on ourselves to make this relationship work. You told me 3 days before we broke up that every time I kiss you, you get butterflies. Even after a year and a half. What kind of person does that. You promised we would both work on what was wrong. You gave me a week. There were signs that things were changing. We fought less. I understood you more.I had a wonderful date planned. It was the perfect date. It was catered to you. It was to show you that I genuinely was trying. You never gave me a chance however. You felt it was easier to just give up on everything we had been through.
Even with all this anger built up inside me and the want, no the need to move on from you. I still find my self thinking of you all the time. I still love you and honestly still want you even though I know I shouldn't. I do not know why I am like this. I do not know why I cannot just accept the fact that things are truly over between us. This all just feels like a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I truly am hurting and you don't care anymore. I just want you to be happy. I just want me to be happy. Even though I wish that we could be happy together I know that will never be again. As much as I want to want you and this new guy to not work out and he breaks your heart. I cannot wish that on you. You may have done that to me. However having felt this pain, I hope you never have to experience it for yourself. So I truly wish you the best.
Love always
-Ben
