You treated me as if I were nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm not talking to you, the singular person who made me believe I wasn't worth respect or even consideration. I'm talking to all three of you. The only three people to ever even notice me as more than the girl in the background. That may be all I'll ever be.
You see, the first time this all happened, with that first person, I understood. We were young, and stupid, and we didn't even know what our lives would be like after high school. I had never expected us to be together for the rest of our lives and trust me, I never wanted that. You were one of my best friends and I didn't want to lose you so I thought I had to love you. And you asked me to be you date to the dance. And I was so excited; no one had asked me to be their date before. And I said yes. And we went together. And you left me there to go home with another girl. And at school on Monday, you told me all about your night with her. And my heart broke. Into a million fragmented pieces. I was nobody. Nothing.
Fast forward four years and there is someone else filling your role. Not as my best friend, but as a person who can see me. He was interested and we had a lot in common. He asked me out and I said yes, because apparently things like this only happen to me once every four years, so why not? We go to movie and you kiss me, my first kiss, and it was weird but I figured I was 19 years old. At least it finally happened. But then your hand slid into my shirt, my bra, and when I try to move away or remove your hand you kiss me harder and say, "This is okay, isn't it?" I was nervous you would get mad, or leave, or stop seeing me. Someone was finally seeing me so I said "yes" even though I want so badly to say no. Then you ask me out on another date, but you kept cancelling it and rescheduling it. When I called you out on it, you yelled at me, called me names, and I never heard from you again. I went back to being invisible. Being nobody. Nothing.
Fast forward another year. Someone is seeing me again. I'm visible. I've told him about everything, from high school to my first-date-gone-bad. You cared. You seemed so kind and understanding. When I told you about my life, the first thing you said was "you deserve better." I believed you. You asked me out on a date. To a movie. I drive the hour and a half to my hometown, where you lived, to go on our first date. And I waited. And I waited. And you never showed up. You. Never. Showed. Up. I thought you were late. I called, texted, waited. After an hour and a half I realized I had been stood up. I couldn't even muster up some anger. I was just sad. I couldn't understand how someone who said I deserved better could stand me up. Seven hours later, you texted me saying "Sorry, I fell asleep." Twenty hours later you asked if you could make it up to me. You couldn't, can't. I went back to how I had always been. Nobody. Nothing.
At first I thought there was something wrong with the people I was surrounding myself with, but at what point do open my eyes and realize that I'm the problem? That I'm the girl destined to be invisible? To just be nothing...
