Dear Bimz
Hi.
Its been a while. Two years in fact since you got married and left.
And 1 year and 1 month since you last contacted me.
Firstly, I know you are facing turmoil in your marriage and there are issues with your husband which you are tying to deal with. I hear you're trying to sort this all on your own too. You always were brave! I wish you had come to me and told me what was going on in your life rather than shutting me out.
I heard that you are pregnant too.
The joy I felt when I heard this news was as though it were me myself about to face the joys of a new arrival! We were more like sisters than best friends after all. We'd talk every day, we'd send each other silly pictures that would never make sense to another human being! We'd stay up late into the morning talking, laughing, teasing each other. We shared our deepest fears, our most embarrassing moments, our plans for the future, our biggest dreams and our everlasting bond for each other was clear for all to see.
Truth is I'm at a bit of a crossroads myself and I could do with your advice, your guidance, your honesty, your truth. I don't really know who else to ask or how else to progress. You always had all the answers, you always had my back... You were always the one I'd tell everything to and youd always find a way to turn the sadness into laughter and talk me back to Earth and show me it would be okay.
I remember the time we laughed our way into the petrol station and the cashier said to us 'girls enjoy your lives, laugh and live and have fun because it soon whizzes by you know!' Little did we understand at the time what she meant and that quite literally our days together would whizz by and very soon disappear altogether.
B, I feel let down by you. I feel sad that you shut me out, that after explicitly promising our journey would be life long - you left me. You used to say 'we'll tell our grandkids about what we used to get upto...' or 'I will always be here and I promise marriage wont get in the way of us...' or 'I know other friends have moved on after their big day but that will NEVER happen to us!' Every road has its fork though, every journey has its destination and I guess our years together have come to an end.
I told you things I haven't uttered to another soul - Please keep these secrets for me. I will always be the keeper of yours. I wont tell a soul about what we used to talk about and I will always guard your memories with everything I have.
I guess it is true what they say 'all good things come to an end' and that this was our ending. I re-read our messages today and found myself laughing out loud! The laughter soon turned to tears as I realised these memories would be washed away with the sand as the tides of change rolled in.
I miss you beyond words and I sometimes feel like reaching out but I suppose you've made it clear you want nothing to do with me. I tried texting your new number but to no avail.
So here goes, my final goodbye. Good luck B, I really mean it. You are one of the most special people I have ever known and may God bless you with every happiness and all the joys life can bring.
I will tell my grandkids about you no doubt, but rather than pointing across the room at their Auntie B, I will have to tell them that life sometimes throws you a curveball and you end up in places you didn't expect. I will show them a picture perhaps or just place my hand on my heart and say 'this is where she is.'
Good luck on the pregnancy - Gosh! I would love nothing more than to see your beautiful baby and hold her in my arms and tell her stories and sing her lullabies but again, its not meant to be. And that's okay. Those dreams we had of being Godmothers are a distant memory now!
Good night B, and God bless. Don't ever forget me. Perhaps one day youll tell your little ones about their auntie too. How she used to make you laugh till your sides hurt and your eyes streamed. How she was the first person youd call when you had news, and the one you said youd never forget. Please don't forget.
With all my love. Always.
