Dear ex,
I don't even know where to start. But I hope someday you see this.
I never thought I would say goodbye to you forever.
I never thought I would wake up and get out of bed and go on with my day knowing I didn't have you in my life.
I never thought I would have the courage to put a stop to you cheating and lying to me over and over.
I never thought I would ever gain my self respect back that you took from me.
And lastly, I never thought I would feel this much at peace not being yours..
But like you told me all the time, it was long over due. I just never wanted us to end. But I am really happy I can move on now thanks to you.
As much as you broke me and let me down over and over and disrespected me I don't hate you. I never could. I'm proud of myself for putting up with it all and still being able to move forward. All those night you would break up with me and go see other people then call me and want to work things out, all those nights I would wait for you outside your house crying while you were talking to someone else made me stronger. I should have known you were cheating when you started calling me every bad name possible and bringing my self esteem down any chance you could. I should've known you meant it when you would tell me you didn't love me and were going to be seeing other people. I should've known you couldn't be trusted. And I'm not angry at you, but I'm mad at myself for not wanting to believe those things. I should've left the minute I heard those things. Even when I was angry with you I never once told you I didn't love you and wanted someone else. I was too in love with you to ever say those things.. I lost all respect I had for myself all for you.. All for someone who took me for granted. I started being okay with you telling me to go hurt myself, laughing at me when I would cry, ditching me when we would go eat somewhere, calling me ugly every day, and even when you would tell me I deserved to be treated that way I knew I didn't. I just wasn't strong enough to stand up to you. You could've hurt me over and over for years and I would have given you so many chances. I did for so long and you never changed. I trusted you with all my secrets and all you did was tell them to who you were cheating on me with. And to be honest I would have still taken you back after finding that out.. I loved you more than anything and you took everything from me. You let someone stalk me at my job and my house and you never told me you were cheating on me with them. You put me in danger and you were okay with it. I still believed you and defended you. It's true that when you love someone you don't want to believe they would do anything to harm you. But that's exactly what you did to me. Even when I found out you cheated on me I still was going to give you another chance..
When I think about all this now all I do is cry. Not because I miss you, but because I feel so pathetic to have let you get to me and to still have tried to fix things with you after You cheated on me. I don't cry because I miss you anymore. I don't cry because of our good times we had together. I cry because of how stupid I was and all the bad times just come into my head and I know all the good times were just a lie. You weren't good for me and it took me so long to see that. And even now I would never disrespect you the way you did to me for months. I should've left a long time ago but I am happy I didn't. Because I would've left missing you and wanting you back. Now I had no choice but to leave. And I can finally say I am happy without you in my life. You took everything from me and i allowed it. That was my mistake. But i could never hate you. I don't love you like I used to but I don't hate you. Because you made me so much stronger. You taught me I should never let someone treat me that way or speak to me the way you would every day or laugh at me when I cry. I know you hated when I would cry but it was only because I cared so much and you would let me down. I know I could get controlling and didn't trust you but you never gave me a reason to trust you. I would always find something out. But that's why I should've just left sooner instead of trying to fix things.
I never thought I would handle this as good as I am now, but I think it finally hit me that I deserve better. I can finally let you go now and let go of our relationship.. It was all just a lie in my eyes but it made me stronger than ever.
I know never to return to you or let you back into my life again. I couldn't be more at peace knowing you'll never get the chance to hurt me again.
