Dear ex boyfriend-
I want to start off by saying thank you for all the great times we had together. It was amazing to have a prom date like you, and someone who seemed to truly care about me. I appreciated all the things you did for me, (Helping me carry my dress at prom, cute notes in my locker, Subway cookies when I was in a bad mood, and the expensive steak meals you always wanted to buy me). It was fun to cruise around, and have you right by my side. You also always said the kindest the things when I was feeling down or insecure, and you made me feel loved.
Then the arguing and fighting started. I'll admit I was probably at fault for all of the arguing at first. I also acted jealous when you were with a bunch of friends and girls were there snapchatting me. It wasn't that I didn't trust you, but I can see what other girls do, so I didn't trust them. It really hurt me thinking the idea of you with another girl. We said that we were fine after everything that happened there, but that was just the beginning. We didn't really have time to resolve our problems, because we wouldn't see each other since we both were going on vacations. We met and I didn't say anything to you the whole car ride. I was ticked off and jealous that you gave another girl a ride on your motorcycle and I didn't even listen to you. I felt so bad after I got in my car. I was crying and knew I couldn't leave things on that note. So I met you. And that was one of the best decisions I had made. I was trying to prove to you that I wanted us in spite of all the problems we may have in the future. And I finally felt good. But knew we wouldn't have many more days before I left for Florida. And we didn't see each other much before I left. So we messaged each other and hoped for the best in our relationship. The problem was that we weren't seeing each other in person, and we were fighting over the phone. We both got mad over dumb things, and we grew apart. We figured out we apparently couldn't trust each other. One of us would think the other is lying about something petty, so we argued more. I told you I wanted to give up on our relationship, but you wouldn't let me. You said the kindest things to me. So I took that into consideration, and decided maybe I did want to work things out. You then told me you didn't think I even liked you to start with. That hurt. And we just kept arguing. It seemed like just when things were starting to go good again another argument came up. We needed a little break to sort things out and stop the arguing over the phone until we saw each other in person.
Then we admitted to each other that we were messaging other people. We were both hurt and wanted someone to talk to since neither of us were listening to each other. We were both at fault here. I shouldn't have replied to the guys who were talking to me. It just caused problems and ended up hurting you. It was nice to have attention and have someone say sweet things to me, because all we did was argue. You got upset that I was responding to my ex, and I understand why. I shouldn't have let my previous feelings for him get in the way. I hurt you. And I am truly sorry for that. You also told me four other girls were trying to talk to you, and I honestly didn't think any of them would mean anything to you. So I wasn't that mad. You assured me after the night I made you leave that the only girl you really wanted was me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like it that another girl wanted to steal you from me. I didn't want that to happen at all. We both hurt each other and decided that we should break u, but have the potential for starting our relationship over again in the near future.
I needed to get my mind off of you. I wanted to go out. I wanted to have fun. And I wanted to not think about how sad I actually was that we had called it quits. It was nice being back home after my vacation, and talking to a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while. I didn't lie to you that night. I didn't do anything wrong. I talked to a guy that had a crush on me for five minutes, but that was it. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, because it wasn't a big deal. I didn't have feelings for him the way I had feelings for you.
The next night I went to a PG movie with my best friend. What was I doing the whole time? Talking about you and was sad over everything that happened. She was trying to be a good best friend, and convinced me that it would be good to try to move on. I had the opportunity. A guy I used to like had messaged me and asked what I was doing. So we asked him to come to the movie, not thinking that he actually would. He came and sat next to me. I thought it was cute that another guy cared about me that much to come and watch a kids movie with me. Yes, we held hands. How could I say no to someone who was being so sweet to me. But no. I wasn't comfortable with it, and I didn't feel anything super special with him. And I didn't hang out with him after, because I didn't want to. I could have. But I didn't.
You and I wanted another chance to work things out. I wanted to show you that I'm not like that. That I was truly sorry and cared for you. So we decided to meet in person when you got back from your vacation. I was excited to actually see you in person and discuss all our issues and maybe work through them. I was on my way to meet you at the softball game. You texted me the text that I didn't want to hear. You found out about the movie date that I hadn't told you about yet. I felt so bad you found out from a different source. You didn't deserve that. You said you didn't want to see me, but I finally convinced you to meet with me because we needed to talk through our issues in person. So we met. I was so nervous. I could hardly drive right. I didn't know what the outcome was going to be at all. It could've been a fresh start, or a good or bad goodbye. So we talked through everything. I told you about the movie. But I was talking so fast, and was so scared. I didn't tell you about the holding hands thing. And I should have. I started crying after saying something. I didn't want to cry in front of you and felt so embarrassed. So we made up and I felt amazing. I was so happy we were back together. You made me realize that we were right. I went home with the biggest smile on my face. But that smile only lasted an hour before you texted me something I didn't want you to find out and tell me. You told me I was a liar and you didn't want me anymore. I didn't tell you that we had held hands. I felt so bad that I forgot to mention that. I mean that wasn't a small detail I left out. I know that must have hurt you. But you didn't understand how sorry I really was and that we were on a break at that time. I know you felt like you couldn't trust me. But I was so happy we had just gotten back together, and I wasn't going to give up that easily. I tried so hard to convince you that I was you that I wanted. I didn't want the other guys. I even messaged your sister a long explanation of what had actually happened, because I wanted to be on good terms. I wanted us so bad. I actually do think I was "obsessed" with the fact of us getting back together. But you told me something awful I didn't want to hear. You told me that you had feelings for another girl now. I was completely crushed. I still don't honestly know if you really did or you just said that to get back at me and hurt me. I mean she's three years younger and no offense but she wasn't really competition material for me. I honestly didn't know whether to be hurt or laugh at the fact. I mean the idea you were trying to hurt me is what hurt. Not the rebound that you were telling me about. I was trying to prove to you that I really did like you and wanted us. I was jealous that you weren't saying that I was the only one anymore. I wanted you. We had gone through a lot. We had so many trust issues and other things between each other. I even forgave the fact that you sent me pictures of you two together when I was on my way to meet with you. That was terrible of you. And very immature. But you still made me out to be the bad guy. I tried to meet with you. To send nice messages. To have a normal conversation and to try not to fight. But you didn't seem to want the relationship some days. Sometimes I felt that you really wanted me and other times I felt that I was your second priority to your "new girl". Do you not understand how bad that hurt me? You told me you loved me and was going to put me first. I know we were broken up, but the fact you still said we might get together in the future. That's why it hurt. Every time you were with her or I said something rude about her, you made sure to let me know that you cared for her by sending pictures or defending her and yelling at me. My god. That was terrible of you. I didn't to anything near that bad. And when I was with my ex I didn't think of sending you something. Because I knew that would crush you. I was so fed up with the way I was being treated like your second priority and like some game. The point where I really felt done was you trying to piss me off by sending pictures of you with my best friend in the background while you were at the races. I felt at that point you didn't like that other girl, you were just trying to do anything to hurt me. And it worked. I blocked you. I had had enough. I blocked you on everything except I forgot texting since we usually snapped. The next day you texted me. I knew you cared about me. Why else would you not just let me be? I fell into your trap once again. I was gullible enough to believe you would actually watch fireworks with me like you had asked. I was happy. After all my friends and family had said to stay away from you, I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to see you. When you had to pick between my night and the next with her for fireworks and you picked hers I was livid. The fact that you said you had feelings for her and told me you kissed her. I changed my plans that night to be with you. And you didn't care enough. The next day I really just wanted to talk in person. We had so much to discuss. You just couldn't seem to make up your mind, her or me. You told me to move on with my ex. That hurt you even said that. I know damn well you didn't mean it. At this point I couldn't tell if I was in it for you, or I was just addicted to this game we were playing and I wanted to win. You again reminded me you were with her that day. (Her bitchy selfies on your phone she was sending me proved that) I was sick of it. After saying you were going to be together all night. Yes, I took matters into my own hands to get you to stop. My sister texted her mom. And I thought that was absolutely hilarious. I mean if you don't have anything to hide, it shouldn't of mattered. So you blocked me after you found out. But I came to the conclusion that you don't actually like her. You couldn't. Or you would have let me go when I wanted to. You wouldn't have asked me to watch fireworks. You were just trying to piss me off and play games. Yeah you may have won that game, considering I was actually hurt. But you actually lost. Can't you see? I was willing to do anything to keep us together. But you just wanted to be immature and play with my feelings. You may say you actually like her. "She treats you good" "She listens" "She's obsessed with me" "She does hobbies with me that you wouldn't". But we were also at that point a while ago. Where everything was good and sweet and we cared for each other. You didn't give me the opportunity to fix things. You didn't finish our relationship while you were talking to her. She is just a way for you to try to move on. And I get that. I've had those too. But as I sit her and write this novel I come to an ultimate conclusion. I do deserve better. I deserve someone who is forgiving, understanding, kind, and more mature. Not someone who deliberately tries to hurt me since you thought I hurt you. I'm done with all the immature games. I want someone to love me enough to never do something like this to me. I know you still think it's all my fault, but it isn't. It's on you. You lost me. And if you look at this from my perspective, you may see that you lost the best thing. I'm not a cheater or a liar. I have a huge heart. And I deserve the world. I honestly hope the best for your future, whatever you want to do. I know you have future goals and plans you want to achieve, and I hope you will. And I hope you find someone who treats you like you want someday. So with all that I have just said. Goodbye. I won't forget all the good times we had, but I'll start move on with my head held high.
