How have you been? I hope you're doing well. Me? I'm doing okay, I guess. I haven't been wasting my time on someone for the past two months, which is how long you wasted my time.
We only met on tinder, but I knew who you were. A second year that I used to see around the university campus with his friends. Your best friend is the lad who works in Waitrose right? Casual "Hi, how are you?"'s started our conversations off in mid march. April passed by, talking to each other everyday while we we're both back at home for spring break. Constantly back and forth, flowing with no problems. Some nights, the conversation would change and take a new level. I didn't mind, I trusted you.
This routine of ours kept going as we arrived back to our university town after three weeks. Nearly two months worth of text conversation flew by and we agreed to meet. We set a date, a casual drink in a local bar and then a stroll around the town on a sunny May evening. Two days before we we're meant to meet, my phone lit up. I picked it up with excitement, my friends rolling their eyes at how giggly and girly I got every time that you sent me a message.
"Hey, sorry change of plan, I've got a house viewing on Sunday. Can we re-arrange?"; You asked.
I agreed, I didn't mind and we carried on talking as normal. That sunday rolled around and I teased you through text message about not meeting up. Taking it as a lighthearted joke, you teased back and were telling me what I was missing out on. Like normal we kept talking and we arranged a second time for us to meet each other. A Sunday night, with the plan as before.
During the day, I spent the day with my friends feeling nervous. The boys, giving me pep talks and advice as I'd never been on a real date before, and the girls helping me with what to wear and what make-up to do. "Just be yourself, it'll be great" one of the girls said giving me a hug as I left them to get ready. "If you need us we're going to the pub" another chimed in. I went to go get ready, for our arranged meeting at 8:30pm. I had a sick feeling in my stomach, it was 8pm and I hadn't heard from you all day. I dropped you a text, "Are we still doing this or?". You never replyed.
The time ticked on to 8:30pm. I burst into tears as soon as the clock ticked over. I pulled myself together, dried my eyes and walked down to the pub where my friends were. I walked through the bar and into the garden where they were all sat together, laughing over a few drinks scattered around the table. I walked over and all there heads turned, the smiled that were spread across their faces dropped. I sat down and cried my eyes out. They knew what had happened.
"Where the fuck does he live?!" one of the boys exclaimed, he was the first to say anything. "I wanna punch him in the fucking throat" his words just poured out of his mouth, he was not stopping. The boys all began chatting amongst themselves about how they wanted to kill you, for me. The girls all huddled around me, wiping away my tears and the eyeliner that dripped down my face. "Luce, what's his name? I'm gonna message him. He can't do that to you." My housemate promised. "No, no don't. I'm sure it's a misundertanding" I muttered through my tears, I still wanted to belive in you and all the good things. But I knew that the good things wern't true.
That night, my thoughts wouldn't stop. I just kept drinking, and crying. Everyone bought me a drink, they all felt sorry for me that the first time I try and get somewhere, it gets backfired in my face with no fault of my own. I want to know what I did. Or, why you didn't want to meet up. You made me feel fucking worthless, no denying. I think it was because you actually made me feel really special before you let me down, like I was the only girl for you. I guess not.
I still haven't deleted your messages that you sent me. There is something in those messages that I still can't let go of. Something about how special you made me feel over the two months we spoke. I'm grateful for that, it's the best I'd felt in a while. I miss talking to you, but, fuck you.
